Love Coach Blog

This is probably how you think life works: life, people,  other singles interact with you. Their actions affect you. You have feelings about what is happening to you. You learn from your experiences and make mental notes about what you observe. When you experience a negative situation, you make a mental note to avoid that situation.

Your world becomes a bit tighter as you learn to avoid more and more negative situations. Perhaps you no longer date particular kinds of people because you had bad experiences with that type and you are afraid they will be repeated. Or perhaps you no longer trust certain behavior from others because it turned out to mean trouble for you in the past and you fear experiencing that pain again.

You move forward in spite of your fears, still hoping that you will meet the love of your life, or at least someone good to date. What you don’t know is that when you hope in spite of fear, you are often more afraid than you realize. It is that fear, masked by your hope, that will hold you back from attracting the healthy, wonderful partner you are seeking.

In reality, this is how life works: You believe the world works in a certain way, that relationships work in a certain way, and that people behave in certain ways. Beliefs are like sunglasses with colored lenses. You wear green sunglasses and the world looks green. It may not be green at all. But you see it’s green, so it’s green to you, and darn it if anyone will convince you that it’s not. You hope that all of a sudden it will stop being green; but since you believe that it is essentially green, green it turns out to be.

If you don’t have the love you want and wonder why, here is a part of your answer. On some level, you believe it is not possible for you to have the love you want. You may hope it is possible, but that could very well mean that you are afraid it is impossible. As long as you continue to believe the love you want is not possible, even if you are not aware of your belief, love will elude you.

In order to find love, you have to change your thoughts and believe firmly that the kind of love you want is going to be yours. You have to stop hoping and deeply believe instead.

Your mind works hard on the thing you focus on. Focus on a car type, and then go drive around town. You will notice that car everywhere – your mind does not create all those Toyota Camrys, of course, but it sends you a special alert each time one of them comes into view. Focus on how you can’t have love, even at the same time you hope that you can, and your mind will make sure to guide your life in such a way that you don’t have love. Focus on “Yes, you can have love,” and your mind will oblige and help you arrange your life in such a way that you do find love.

You have to become the kind of person who, when hearing that you will have love, says YES! I will have love, instead of saying No, I will always be alone. You have to consistently tell yourself that you will have love, instead of being the kind of person who frets over being alone for the rest of your life.

This will not work overnight. But if you diligently work to retrain your mind into thinking positively about your prospects for love, you will notice your love life changing and you will start seeing the results of your efforts.

How do you train your mind to be positive? There are three important steps:

1. Write down repetitive negative messages you hear in your mind or tell yourself about you and dating, love, relationships – all aspects of love. Don’t know what these are? Write down everything you tell yourself for a week. Then look over the list and checkmark negative or critical messages.

2. Start to notice when you feel good one minute and terrible the next. This sudden drop in mood is typically a sign that negative thoughts/messages just ran through your head. Start to wonder what you must have said to yourself to create the drop in mood. Start to learn to trap the message as it’s playing in your head, so you can stick it in the trash instead of accepting it.

3. Flood yourself with positive messages constantly. Pick a positive message daily and repeat it a thousand times. Sing it to yourself, dance it to yourself, post in on your mirror, use it as your screen saver. Your job is to relentlessly convince your mind that amazing, deep love is possible for you. Expect to have to work at this many times daily and expect progress to be slow. It will get easier over the months until positive thoughts about love become your norm.

How do you know what to say to yourself? I can help. I have created a daily positive messaging service that addresses the most common negative beliefs singles have about themselves and love, dating and relationships. It’s called Daily Dose of Love for Singles, and it will help you to address and counteract every negative belief that holds you back from having the love you want.

Check it out for yourself: try it out for free for five days.

As your ability to think positively about yourself and love, dating and relationships grows, you will notice that your life and especially your love life will begin to change. Your mind is what creates your life – I  hope you will train it to create the love-life you want and deserve.

From the Heart,