A psychological study done last year found that sleep preserves emotionally charged events.
This means that if you have a fight with your partner and don’t resolve it before bed, you are more likely to hold on to the fight and your hurt feelings in your permanent memory. Not a good thing for your relationship!
If you need to fight, do so many hours before bedtime. Morning is best, so that both of you have all of the day to get over the fight. Before sleep, make sweet emotional memories, so that the two of you can preserve in your memory the sweetness of your relationship.
From the Heart,
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Problem is that decisions making abilities start to go down drastically after 10PM, it’s much easier to become emotionally charged and get into fights then when your defenses are down.
I have always hoped that there won’t be problems in a love relationship but the harder I try to convince myself that loving another person itself is a problem but we all want to love and be loved, therefore getting over a fight quickly is the ideal thing, we can all come to compromise because love is not perfect but we should always try to move towards making it perfect.
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I don’t know that you can exactly “schedule” a fight in the morning, they tend to happen at night after people come home from a long day’s work.
Love is all about compromise.
I heard about this psychological problem too. And to my mind, psuchologists are right, affriming it.
It is bad coz it will effect on relationship..
more on mental problem
This is so true…it’s better never to go to bed angry.
I do not doubt the findings of the psychological study that sleep preserves emotionally charged events.
But I think to conclude that therefore it would be best to always talk and get a “fight” over before going to sleep is definitely not the correct conclusion to make.
Of course, if couples are able to talk everything over in a calm, loving, and centered fashion in midst of an argument that would be the optimal solution. And if they would be able to do so before going to sleep, then great.
But, as a men, I know that we often get very stuck and rigid in our arguments which does not often promote a loving conversation in midst of an argument or a fight. And to make a rule or suggestion that arguments or fights should be resolved before bed time can be counterproductive and in some instances even dangerous.
If men get angry and off-centered it is best for them to take a time out and to cool off to get centered before attempting to solve any relationship problems. It is often the attempt to get men to talk when they are angry that contributes to the problem of domestic violence. And if the fight happens to be right before a bed time, I would highly recommend the couple to go to bed rather than to fight through the night.
Yes, your quality of sleep may suffer, but it will be a whole lot better than no sleep at all.
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I couldn’t agree more with this article! I have always been taught not to go to bed angry. This just reinforces that! Thanks for bringing this up!
Thank you for shedding some light on some sage advice that always seems to come up when you talk about quality communication in marriage. I actually wrote a blog post about the advice that you hear from (much) older couples after they win the “Anniversary Dance” at weddings, and “Don’t go to bed angry.” was one of those golden rules.
Dustin
EngagedMarriage.com
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Well, i believe that 100% because you never know if you’ll see that person in the morning!
I find that a positive intention hides behind every angry front. During argumentation, there is always an opportunity to more deeply understand one’s lover.
When we first meet someone, the other has an entire lifetime of experience behind themselves, just as we do. The more we spend time together, the more we learn about each other; the nurturing and the destructive. But one cannot survive without the other, just as each face of the coin needs the other. Regardless of the time, i like to enter a fight with the idea that i am on the brink of learning something new about my sweetheart, and when honesty guides my words (no matter how painful) our bond deepens as a result.
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