Comments on: How To Let Your Ex Go

By: Love Coach Rinatta

Love Coach Rinatta — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 23:10:38 +0000

Dear Angel, thanks for your comment. Your story is inspiring. It is hard to let go but when you do miracles happen.

By: Angel

Angel — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 18:04:55 +0000

Not sure if anyone will even see this considering how long it’s been since the last posting. I hope someone does though.
I was married to(what I thought was)the man of my dreams for 5 yrs…together for 7yrs. He is a wonderful man and we had a great relationship. It took some years to realize that we served our purpose with each other. Yes I thought it would last forever, but he wasn’t the one ultimately. We helped each other grow up and learn things about ourselves, and when we were done it was over. It seemed that I had failed at a marriage, and I wanted so desperateely to hold on. There is life after a lost love…
My ex and I have kept in touch over the last 3 years since our divorce. I thought since we were best friends while we were married we could continue a healthy friendship. A few months ago I had to stop the communication between us. My ex admitted that he still loved me and regreted his decision. I thought I would be happy about what he was saying, but it was a little upsetting. I was finally over him, and i couldn’t bare the thought of him hurting like I did. He was angry when I told him that I didn’t think we should talk anymore. I’m in a relationship with an amazing man now. I told him when we first got together that I still carried on a friendship with my ex, and he was okay with that. I realized it would be disrespectful to my current relationship to keep what I thought was a friendship…in reality my ex has been holding on to our past in hopes of me coming back to him. Once I made the decision, and dealt with his anger towards me for it, I felt the biggest weight lift off my shoulders. I’m at peace with what the relationship was and is now. I’ve moved on completely and I’m fully able to love deeply and enjoy my future no matter what is in store.
So the morale is it is hard to get over the past, but you can and will move on.

By: Irish

Irish — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 04:51:52 +0000

When I read this article, I really cried. I realized how i’m making my boyfriend suffer. I never felt he loves me. But I’m still hoping that he will someday. But as of now I am only hurting myself believing in such. I wanted to let go. But i don’t know how. Sometimes, I just wanted to die because of the hurt he is giving me and yet he always says that it’s a simple thing it doesn’t matter. Please help me. I really wanted to be at peace…..

By: Jon

Jon — Fri, 21 Dec 2007 02:43:02 +0000

I just want to give my complete thanks for sharing this incredible piece. After months of scouring the internet, I have found no article that address the problem I’ve had better than this one. I can honestly say I am thankful to have come across it.

In the beginning of this year ( 2007 ), I was recovering from the breakup of a 5 year relationship. I had to move into a new house, buy all new furniture, and basically start over entirely.

By the end of January I had completed all my goals of finding a new house to live in, and furnishing it. What happened in February is something I will never forget for the rest of my life.

I met the most incredible woman, who seemed to be everything I was ever looking for in my love life. She felt the same way too, and our relationship progressed at light speed; until we were spending all our free time together, and had plans of eventually getting married. We introduced each other to our friends, and family, traveled together, and lived a very satisfying life.

But along the way, things started to go wrong. Differences popped up and they proved to be insurmountable. After 6 months, this person that I loved dearly seemed almost impossible to get along with.

We soon broke up as I could not take the emotional abuse she regularly visited upon me. It’s taken me another 6 months to finally feel some closure. We kept in touch, and even made an attempt at getting back together that failed miserably.

The best lesson I can learn from this is not sacrifice everything you want in another person, even though you have love in the relationship. As this article says, you cannot make the person be everything you want them to be. She did give me all she was capable of giving, which was a lot. She welcomed me into her life fully. Which made it very hard to write her off.

I have moved on, and have dated many women since then. But as you say, true connection never dies. I will always miss my Julie, and always think of her in a loving way. Even though we will not be together, I wish that she find the man of her dreams, as I have the same hope for myself.

Thanks again for writing such a meaningful essay. It really meant the world to me.

By: Angel

Angel — Thu, 20 Dec 2007 19:02:16 +0000

I don’t know how I found this today but I’m so glad I did! I’ve been in a relationship for 3 years now. The first year was great! We had so much fun together ALL of the time. I’ve had long relationships in the past but never anything like this one. A remember the exact day that we got into our first BIG fight and ever since then it’s been nothing but downhill. Don’t get me wrong we still have good times and they’re great but they are definitely outweighed by the bad. At first he started getting jealous. Accusing me of everything!! Then he started getting flirty with everyone. I still don’t believe that he ever cheated on me but when we were apart I always wondered if he would. I began to feel like he was always looking for something else, something better than me but at the same time I know he loves me. Confusing isn’t it! So finally I left the relationship. I started dating someone else but it wasn’t the same. And during the time we were broken up it seemed like he went into a serious depression. He even went to see a shrink. We still kept in contact and eventually he convienced me that things would be better so we got back together. Things were great for awhile but soon went back to the way they were. All the fights and hurtful things being said to each other only this time I was saying just as much as he was. It’s like we think of the most hurtful things we can think of and say them to each other. Since the beginning we had talked about moving across the county together and now we’ve done it. Our dreams were finally coming true, or so we thought. We’ve only been out here for 2 months and things are worse than they’ve ever been, worse than I ever thought they could be. Until now I have to admit I blammed him for most things (because it was mostly him in the beginning) however I’ve realized I’m now doing wrong too. We both know it’s best for us to move on and that’s what we’ve decided to do. But I feel like we’ve been though so much together and now they we’ve finally done the one thing we’ve always talked about wanting to do together, we’ve given up. I think that part of me is scared because he’s all I have out here. I haven’t met that many people yet and I have no family out here but even still I don’t want to let him go. The stress level since we’ve been here has been so high. We’ve had to adjust to alot of new things. One of which is not know anyone else but each other. We’ve never been together all of the time before. Are we giving up? Is this someting we can work through. I want to believe it is but I just don’t know. A part of me wants to “see what will happen” but the other part of me wants to let go because I know I probably should but I just can’t do it. I love him so much!! Why can’t I just let him go?

By: Chennelle

Chennelle — Sun, 16 Dec 2007 01:19:33 +0000

I had someone that I really loved.He was everything that I have been searching for.He held me at night,he listened to anything that I had to say.He gave me advice.He helped me in every way. He would get jealous every now and then when he thought that guys were trying to talk to me.I loved that because it used to make me feel like he cared about me.He used to call me every night and we would talk for hours. But then he things began to go down hill.Then he broke up with me. Then he said that we could still be friends but it wasn’t enough for me.I wanted him back.All I do is think about him.And I don’t know how we got to this but we don’t even speak to each other, because every time we see each other I always have something smart to say.It’s like I want to say how I really feel, but I can’t because I feel like he won’t care, so I say something smart as a cover up which he can’t stand, but actually I would really like to have our friendship back. But then again I still want the relationship back.

By: ABC

ABC — Wed, 21 Nov 2007 00:54:28 +0000

I had someone who I thought was perfect turn out to be incredibly self-protective and immature, romancing me, making out half the night, always kissing goodbye over a few weeks- all the time, then saying “I don’t like you like THAT” like we were 14…. not the first time he had positioned a situation to make somoeone wonder if THEY misunderstood- classic crazymaking behaviour from an alcoholic’s child.

But in my mind for two years leading up to this, I’d dais “if only I could meet someone like him” - he was warma nd kind and smart….. and it tore me up to realize not only was it not going to work out, my whole sense of love and the future (with anyone) had been torn to shreds by what he’d done…. it has been such a painful year trying to get past that- I even dated someone just lovely and ruined that/hurt their ffeelings as a result.

Thank you for your article, I Googled “Giving up on love” today and came across it- maybe things will start to knit themselves back together and one day I’ll be ready to take a chance again after all….. THANK YOU

By: Jessica

Jessica — Sat, 22 Sep 2007 01:48:53 +0000

right now.. i feel confused..but i can still feel my love for my ex.. i don’t hate him.. but i really love him from the bottom of my heart.. i always pray for God to help me.. but still.. i still love him.. i have a boy friend right now.. but i’m not sure if i love him enough.. it seems like i’m still in love with my ex.. i want to see him.. and i want to be friends.. but whenever i’m with my ex.. i just can’t seem to resist my feelings towards him.. what should i do?

By: April

April — Thu, 06 Sep 2007 07:50:27 +0000

I met this one guy and dated him for 4 months. He was everything I could ask for and more and I guess i fell for him pretty hard because its been 4 years since the break up and until now I can’t seem to get over him completely. It ended because the timing between the two of us wasn’t right and we both were going through a lot of personal problems. So we decided to just break up. But since the break up, he hasn’t left my mind at all and especially my heart. The last time I had any contact with him was the day we broke up. I have to say that I still think of him everyday and just the thought of him and how much fun we had together brings a smile to my face each and every time. Sometimes I get sad though, cause I wish were able to keep the relationship going. But since 4 years has passed, a lot has changed in my life. Every guy i dated after him went down the drain. And this might be mean to say, but he was always on my mind no matter who i dated. I just always had that hope that one day we’d get back together. MOst of the time, I dont want to feel this way, i just want to move on and be happy with someone else or even living the single life. It just doesnt seem that way with me cause I can’t seem to get him out of my head. Was it love that I felt and do i need closure from this to actually move on?

By: Kim

Kim — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 18:11:27 +0000

I met my ex husband in highschool. We started out as friends and eventually started dating as as couple. I got pregnant when I was 18 and we were married a few months later. I loved him and was ready for a family with him. He loved me also but was not ready and I believe he only married me b/c it was the right thing to do. We stayed married for 5 years and for the majority of it, he would drink all of the time, leave with his friends, wouldn’t keep a job, and just wanted to go and party all of the time. There was a time when we began going to church and things were good. But then I became jealous because he went from avoiding me for his friends to avoiding me for the bible. I was wrong for feeling that way, but I did. Of course, he went back to his old ways. I became angry and bitter and wanted to hurt him the way he has hurt me for five years. I never got gifts or presents for any occasion except once when he needed a reason to cash his paycheck and thought that buying me flowers would legitimize the cause. I adored him with my whole heart and soul and knew that He loved me also, but was unwilling to give up his “wild” ways to make me happy and just be the husband and father that he needed to be. I divorced him in 2001. He acted “ready” when he came to sign the papers as if it was just another day. I also acted as if it didn’t bother me. Time rolled on, he became well known for finding “anything you want”, and drinking and partying, he has slept with different girls. People call him to find drugs. He has made several thousands of dollars when he went to Louisiana to work.(20,000.00 in one month)But yet had nothing to show for it, he shared a camper with two coworkers, pimped out a girl for money, and other disgraceful things. And despite all of these things, I knew the whole time that he was still a good person and that he has qualities that no one knew that he had that made him that good person. I always felt connected to him and hoped that one day he would see the err of his ways and realize that life is so much better when you have love and a family to share it with. I felt like I could bring him back from all of the damage that he has caused for him self and show him that life is wonderful and just as fun without all of the partying and drugs and premiscuity. I’ve carried that burden for a long time, I’m suppose to guide him back to goodness. In the meantime, while he was living it up, I raised our 2 children, and became lonely. I prayed, night after night that God would send me someone to love and that loved me. Well, one day my prayers were answered. A guy down the road, who had a son as well, would ride by alot and eventually he stopped and we began talking. Talking led to dating and dating led to being engaged. He was a wonderful person. He treated me like there was no other and that I’ve made his dreams come true. He would clean, cook, do yard work and all of the things we women only fantasize that our men would do. I never had to ask him to do anything. If I even looked like I needed a foot, neck or back massage, he would give me one. His life was to please me and make me happy. He gave me all of the things that I’ve always wanted from my ex husband. Only, he wasn’t my ex. I cared alot about my fiance and I believe that when my ex came back in town that I began finding things wrong with my fiance just to have an excuse to break up with him and get back with my ex. I hurt my fiance and it hurts me to know that. Well, so now my ex husband and I are “mending” things. I love him but I feel like he has not changed into the man that I want to share forever with. He doesn’t possess the qualities that I loved about my fiance. He says that he has changed, but I’m not sure that those particular changes are enough for me. I thought that I was in love with my ex husband, but I am not so sure now. Even worse than that, I saw my ex fiance at ball practice (our kids go to the same ball park) and he brought a girl that he has been “talking” to. He said that she’s his old highschool sweetheart. Well, he leaned over and kissed her and to my surprise, I had to fight so hard not to bust out in tears because of how bad it hurt me to see that. I imagine this girl getting all of the unconditional love that was once mine. My ex fiance would have roped the moon and given me the world and I feel like I have made the biggest mistake in my life. Now, I can’t bring myself to hurt my ex husband and tell him that despite how he beleives that he has changed alot it just isn’t enough for me. I am afraid that I have lost the best man for me forever all b/c I wanted another shot at an old relationship.