Comments on: How To Let A Relationship Go When You Don’t Want To http://www.lovecoachblog.com/let_go/ Singles, dating, relationship, marriage and breakup help. Must read if you want a conscious, loving relationship. Mon, 06 Feb 2012 07:38:32 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1 By: Denise http://www.lovecoachblog.com/let_go/comment-page-2/#comment-4701 Denise Wed, 21 Dec 2011 18:45:51 +0000 http://www.lovecoachblog.com/?p=338#comment-4701 GB, Reading your message just made me sad and I wanted to reach out to you and try to talk to you and help you if I can. Life is very hard and i'm also learning that the hard way. All you can do is try to be there for your child if your ex allows it. You have to be strong for your daughter because she will grow up and want to know about her daddy and when that day comes you have to be ready to be there for her. As for your ex I know its the most hardest thing to do but you have to let her go for now boy am I learning that. I to am in love with a man that I had to walk away from since he would not change his ways and its killing me every day but I try to stay strong for my children that we have together. Stay strong Denise GB,

Reading your message just made me sad and I wanted to reach out to you and try to talk to you and help you if I can. Life is very hard and i’m also learning that the hard way. All you can do is try to be there for your child if your ex allows it. You have to be strong for your daughter because she will grow up and want to know about her daddy and when that day comes you have to be ready to be there for her. As for your ex I know its the most hardest thing to do but you have to let her go for now boy am I learning that. I to am in love with a man that I had to walk away from since he would not change his ways and its killing me every day but I try to stay strong for my children that we have together.

Stay strong
Denise

]]> By: GB http://www.lovecoachblog.com/let_go/comment-page-2/#comment-4555 GB Thu, 10 Nov 2011 21:40:08 +0000 http://www.lovecoachblog.com/?p=338#comment-4555 I am in a very bad place. I love my ex with all my heart we have a child together. We were together for seven years when she left it hurt deeply I feel that pain every second of the day. I lost everything all at once we started counseling but she just quit. Her and our child are my life my joy without them i am lost. I am now fighting depperssion and suicidal thoughts. Everyday is a burden I am stuck in a nightmare and think it would be better if I were dead. I miss them both so much I live with alot of pain and regret I have not been outside in sixteen months it hurt so much the world looks and feels so different. The holidays are the worst for me I can't look anyone in the face it reminds me of what I don't have any more. I don't know where to go from here do I want to die or live like I have been I have not seen my daughter in five months It hurts when she asks me to come home with her cause that is all I want . I can't sleep most nights this has caused so much unrest for me. Life has no meaning for me anymore I lost everything I love, every second is a thought just to end my suffering no more gas left in my tank no more love for life. What is really left but unhappiness I am in a very bad place. I love my ex with all my heart we have a child together. We were together for seven years when she left it hurt deeply I feel that pain every second of the day. I lost everything all at once we started counseling but she just quit. Her and our child are my life my joy without them i am lost. I am now fighting depperssion and suicidal thoughts. Everyday is a burden I am stuck in a nightmare and think it would be better if I were dead. I miss them both so much I live with alot of pain and regret I have not been outside in sixteen months it hurt so much the world looks and feels so different. The holidays are the worst for me I can’t look anyone in the face it reminds me of what I don’t have any more. I don’t know where to go from here do I want to die or live like I have been I have not seen my daughter in five months It hurts when she asks me to come home with her cause that is all I want . I can’t sleep most nights this has caused so much unrest for me. Life has no meaning for me anymore I lost everything I love, every second is a thought just to end my suffering no more gas left in my tank no more love for life. What is really left but unhappiness

]]> By: Lenny http://www.lovecoachblog.com/let_go/comment-page-2/#comment-4427 Lenny Mon, 19 Sep 2011 16:59:22 +0000 http://www.lovecoachblog.com/?p=338#comment-4427 Hi, I just had gone through this and I was that person that didn't want to let go. I can honestly say I wanted to stay for the kids first and my wife second, but ultimately wanted the family together. I did not want to fall into the norm of "if things don't work out bail out" what so many couples will do. I was embarrassed to tell my co-workers and only told 3 to 4 very close friends about my wife leaving me, I felt like a failure accepting. I accepted half if not more of the blame for her wanting to leave me. I had asked if she was interested in going to counseling, she agreed but told me it wasn't to get back together, it was for her own well being. On our third visit at 150.00 and hour I heard her say for the third time "I'm not going back" even though I wasn't asking her to. I think she just wanted to make it clear, which really hurt me, at the same time it woke me up to I get it. At that time I told the counselor "I'm done" he looked at me and asked me if I was giving up after only a few sessions, that I'm suppose to be the leader and the strong one. I had apologized for giving up and said that I would continue to work on the relationship. We were going every two weeks so on our forth visit I was feeling good about myself and mentioned that I did a lot of thinking and praying about this and I decided to stop going to counseling and accepting the fact that my wife wants to move on. Now I felt good about this but I also felt "what did I just do" at the same time. Afterwards my ex-wife and I walked out to the parking lot and started to feel desperate and that this is it, so I talked to her for about a half hour trying one last time to see if we could work things out in any way. To me this was my last desperate attempt to save the marriage and in my mind I was set on accepting this if it didn't work. I should of seen the writing on the wall sooner but I was in denial. It was now time for me to accept this fact that she wasn't coming back. She drove away and I drove away at this time and this was the beginning of my healing, the fact that she was telling me it was over, over and over finally hit me hard enough to understand it. I guess everyone has a different threshold on when to let it go. Had I realized this sooner I would of started the healing sooner than later. The fact that I held on may or may not of been a good thing for myself but it is what it is. Reading what you mentioned about "if they want you back they'll let you know" is so simple and so so true. Most of the time we let our emotions over rule our rationality, when if we would just stop and really think it over we would understand it much better and with a more logical response to our problem. I am now feeling really good about myself and in fact I feel sorry for her at times. One of the things I did was as you had mentioned, and I agree with you again was about forgiving the other person. I had forgiven her for anything she did to me, but before I did that I had to forgive myself first. I felt if I hadn't forgiven myself first, it would have been very difficult to forgive her. I also had forgiven friends even if it was something small and not related to my relationship with my wife. I wanted to feel better about myself and when my apologizes were accepted with open arms and I can truly say that the people I had apologized to have so much more respect for me now. Those relationships are much stronger as well. Sometimes we feel that it is a weakness to say we're sorry, it isn't, in fact its a sign of strength in your character. My life is almost better than before, now that I've learn some very valuable learning experiences through this hard time in my life. I only see my kids half the time as when we are a couple and that was harder to accept but I must accept it because life is what it is. If I could give one piece of advice to anyone open to receive it would be to accept everybody and everything as they are or as it is. We all have a choice which nobody else can take away from us. Your choice would be to accept everything with love and kindness or take it personal and get angry. We are powerless over other people and circumstances in our lives, so its up to you to simples relax and smile when someone does something to you that you don't like. Allow thought go in your head that you don't like, but don't take it as a personal attack Think about how you can respond in a kind and loving way and you will start to notice how people respond in a much different way. If you get angry or defensive they will to, if you take the high road and respond in a kind way they can no longer argue or say angry things to you. Its up to you to make a difference. You will have a much more inner peace and you will be more relaxed, resulting in a more fulfilling life for yourself and the ones around you. We teach what we want to learn........I hope that I reached out and helped someone in need, I know how it feels and I would do anything to help anyone anytime, God Bless...... Hi, I just had gone through this and I was that person that didn’t want to let go. I can honestly say I wanted to stay for the kids first and my wife second, but ultimately wanted the family together. I did not want to fall into the norm of “if things don’t work out bail out” what so many couples will do. I was embarrassed to tell my co-workers and only told 3 to 4 very close friends about my wife leaving me, I felt like a failure accepting. I accepted half if not more of the blame for her wanting to leave me. I had asked if she was interested in going to counseling, she agreed but told me it wasn’t to get back together, it was for her own well being. On our third visit at 150.00 and hour I heard her say for the third time “I’m not going back” even though I wasn’t asking her to. I think she just wanted to make it clear, which really hurt me, at the same time it woke me up to I get it. At that time I told the counselor “I’m done” he looked at me and asked me if I was giving up after only a few sessions, that I’m suppose to be the leader and the strong one. I had apologized for giving up and said that I would continue to work on the relationship. We were going every two weeks so on our forth visit I was feeling good about myself and mentioned that I did a lot of thinking and praying about this and I decided to stop going to counseling and accepting the fact that my wife wants to move on. Now I felt good about this but I also felt “what did I just do” at the same time. Afterwards my ex-wife and I walked out to the parking lot and started to feel desperate and that this is it, so I talked to her for about a half hour trying one last time to see if we could work things out in any way. To me this was my last desperate attempt to save the marriage and in my mind I was set on accepting this if it didn’t work. I should of seen the writing on the wall sooner but I was in denial. It was now time for me to accept this fact that she wasn’t coming back. She drove away and I drove away at this time and this was the beginning of my healing, the fact that she was telling me it was over, over and over finally hit me hard enough to understand it. I guess everyone has a different threshold on when to let it go. Had I realized this sooner I would of started the healing sooner than later. The fact that I held on may or may not of been a good thing for myself but it is what it is. Reading what you mentioned about “if they want you back they’ll let you know” is so simple and so so true. Most of the time we let our emotions over rule our rationality, when if we would just stop and really think it over we would understand it much better and with a more logical response to our problem. I am now feeling really good about myself and in fact I feel sorry for her at times. One of the things I did was as you had mentioned, and I agree with you again was about forgiving the other person. I had forgiven her for anything she did to me, but before I did that I had to forgive myself first. I felt if I hadn’t forgiven myself first, it would have been very difficult to forgive her. I also had forgiven friends even if it was something small and not related to my relationship with my wife. I wanted to feel better about myself and when my apologizes were accepted with open arms and I can truly say that the people I had apologized to have so much more respect for me now. Those relationships are much stronger as well. Sometimes we feel that it is a weakness to say we’re sorry, it isn’t, in fact its a sign of strength in your character. My life is almost better than before, now that I’ve learn some very valuable learning experiences through this hard time in my life. I only see my kids half the time as when we are a couple and that was harder to accept but I must accept it because life is what it is. If I could give one piece of advice to anyone open to receive it would be to accept everybody and everything as they are or as it is. We all have a choice which nobody else can take away from us. Your choice would be to accept everything with love and kindness or take it personal and get angry. We are powerless over other people and circumstances in our lives, so its up to you to simples relax and smile when someone does something to you that you don’t like. Allow thought go in your head that you don’t like, but don’t take it as a personal attack Think about how you can respond in a kind and loving way and you will start to notice how people respond in a much different way. If you get angry or defensive they will to, if you take the high road and respond in a kind way they can no longer argue or say angry things to you. Its up to you to make a difference. You will have a much more inner peace and you will be more relaxed, resulting in a more fulfilling life for yourself and the ones around you. We teach what we want to learn……..I hope that I reached out and helped someone in need, I know how it feels and I would do anything to help anyone anytime, God Bless……

]]> By: aliba jackie felicia http://www.lovecoachblog.com/let_go/comment-page-2/#comment-4423 aliba jackie felicia Thu, 15 Sep 2011 09:38:09 +0000 http://www.lovecoachblog.com/?p=338#comment-4423 i love your concern about our we feel in life when you stress to love someone and at the end you leap nothing. i always cry , complain and feel low in my relationship.he drops the calls , calls at his convenient time and he expects u to pick up, he does not meet appointments. am kind of tired i love your concern about our we feel in life when you stress to love someone and at the end you leap nothing. i always cry , complain and feel low in my relationship.he drops the calls , calls at his convenient time and he expects u to pick up, he does not meet appointments. am kind of tired

]]> By: princess http://www.lovecoachblog.com/let_go/comment-page-2/#comment-4406 princess Mon, 05 Sep 2011 18:12:30 +0000 http://www.lovecoachblog.com/?p=338#comment-4406 Im a 20 year old female i have a 2 year old babygirl..im so in love with her father. We been together for almost five years...im startin to feel like he dont love me well if he ever did.. somebody please let me know how i can and should leave dis relationship..im tired of hurting and crying he dont seem to care either way..and i kinda feels he has another relationship possible another family.. Im a 20 year old female i have a 2 year old babygirl..im so in love with her father. We been together for almost five years…im startin to feel like he dont love me well if he ever did.. somebody please let me know how i can and should leave dis relationship..im tired of hurting and crying he dont seem to care either way..and i kinda feels he has another relationship possible another family..

]]> By: Rebecca http://www.lovecoachblog.com/let_go/comment-page-1/#comment-4397 Rebecca Mon, 22 Aug 2011 19:57:36 +0000 http://www.lovecoachblog.com/?p=338#comment-4397 My problem is a little weird, we both have a hard time letting go. I've got a partner and a child now but my thoughts tend to wander back to him alot. We had dated on and off for five years. He hasn't changed at all and he was kind of my best friend for ages. Only recently have I stopped talking to him but I keep feeling the need to call or message. I'm going crazy..... I know it's better to stop talking to him but is very hard. (he's a very good friend of my family) I can't stop thinking about him and it makes it worse knowing he thinks about me too. I don't know how to completely let go. Please any advice would help...... My problem is a little weird, we both have a hard time letting go. I’ve got a partner and a child now but my thoughts tend to wander back to him alot. We had dated on and off for five years. He hasn’t changed at all and he was kind of my best friend for ages. Only recently have I stopped talking to him but I keep feeling the need to call or message. I’m going crazy….. I know it’s better to stop talking to him but is very hard. (he’s a very good friend of my family) I can’t stop thinking about him and it makes it worse knowing he thinks about me too. I don’t know how to completely let go. Please any advice would help……

]]> By: Amanda http://www.lovecoachblog.com/let_go/comment-page-1/#comment-4375 Amanda Mon, 15 Aug 2011 14:04:02 +0000 http://www.lovecoachblog.com/?p=338#comment-4375 Well, I guess I have no choice but to let go...this is the text message I got from my ex.... "Well, even with my issues I made one lucky lady VERY happy Friday night, four times as a matter of fact..... she was very grateful, no complaints. So even though I have the t levels of a 65 year old, I still managed to have her howling all night ;) I mean, we didn’t even towel off after our shower she was so turned on she took me soaking wet right onto her bed! Maybe it was because she was a really hot blonde with a really nice body that I didn’t have any issues......" (he had some Erectile Dysfunction issues which was physically related to Low Testosterone...but sometimes I started to feel maybe it was me...he always swore it wasn't...but apparently it was) So, I need to find the way to let go. I thought I had...I tried forgiving him...but this...well this was just the most hurtful and self esteem destroying text message I ever got and I dont' know if I can forgive..I know I wont' forget. Well, I guess I have no choice but to let go…this is the text message I got from my ex….
“Well, even with my issues I made one lucky lady VERY happy Friday night, four times as a matter of fact….. she was very grateful, no complaints. So even though I have the t levels of a 65 year old, I still managed to have her howling all night ;) I mean, we didn’t even towel off after our shower she was so turned on she took me soaking wet right onto her bed! Maybe it was because she was a really hot blonde with a really nice body that I didn’t have any issues……” (he had some Erectile Dysfunction issues which was physically related to Low Testosterone…but sometimes I started to feel maybe it was me…he always swore it wasn’t…but apparently it was) So, I need to find the way to let go. I thought I had…I tried forgiving him…but this…well this was just the most hurtful and self esteem destroying text message I ever got and I dont’ know if I can forgive..I know I wont’ forget.

]]> By: lizv http://www.lovecoachblog.com/let_go/comment-page-1/#comment-4372 lizv Sat, 13 Aug 2011 17:54:45 +0000 http://www.lovecoachblog.com/?p=338#comment-4372 How do I let go? I thought I did.... Over 10yrs ago I dated this guy for about five years on/off. He did the whole cheating and lying games, and I held on until the relationship crashed and burned. I started dating someone else and at first it was hard for me to let go of this past relationship( and yes, I would still contact him. Half the time, if I called he would be "busy" and couldn't talk) So I decided to get the hint and stop calling, texting, and emailing. I cut all communication (5 yrs) and I was o.k. with it. In the mean time I got married and started a family. A few months ago he requested me on one of these social networking sites. Now I know he doesn't wan't to reconcile but I can't get him off my mind. I don't want to think of him. I know he doesn't think of me and I've excepted that, or have I? How do I let go? I thought I did…. Over 10yrs ago I dated this guy for about five years on/off. He did the whole cheating and lying games, and I held on until the relationship crashed and burned. I started dating someone else and at first it was hard for me to let go of this past relationship( and yes, I would still contact him. Half the time, if I called he would be “busy” and couldn’t talk) So I decided to get the hint and stop calling, texting, and emailing. I cut all communication (5 yrs) and I was o.k. with it. In the mean time I got married and started a family. A few months ago he requested me on one of these social networking sites. Now I know he doesn’t wan’t to reconcile but I can’t get him off my mind. I don’t want to think of him. I know he doesn’t think of me and I’ve excepted that, or have I?

]]> By: Natasha http://www.lovecoachblog.com/let_go/comment-page-1/#comment-4361 Natasha Sat, 06 Aug 2011 03:21:29 +0000 http://www.lovecoachblog.com/?p=338#comment-4361 I came across this old posting that I send over a year ago and look back and see such a sad heartbroken woman. The year of 2010 was pretty much a blur to me because I spent that year going over and over what could have possibly gone wrong. I loved him with all my heart and wanted nothing more than him to come back to me. In 2011 I made a decision to focus totally on myself and saw a shift in the way I felt. I bought new clothes, started exercising and prayed for this heartache to pass. Slowly and surely it has. What I realized is that the biggest gift that my ex could have given me by breaking up with me is that I have finally found myself. I don't know if there was a time in my life where I ever really truly felt like a whole and complete person. I feel this way now and would not trade it for the world. I know what I will or will not tolerate. Also I realized that I put my ex up on a pedestal when it was truly me who was the gift to him. We have spoken a few times since the break up and every time he has apologized to me for how I was treated. He even said to me that "I was a part of him" - Whatever that is supposed to mean. 2 weeks ago we ran into each other and he kept on telling me how great I look and looked at me with lust in his eyes. The old me would have probably have saw this as a sign of hope but the new me just said "thanks" and moved on. I can't say that I don't still love him because that would be a lie. I just have now realized that I love the man I first met but don't love the man who dumped me. To me, these are 2 different people. To all of you out there who are hurting please know that there is hope and life after a break up. I came across this old posting that I send over a year ago and look back and see such a sad heartbroken woman.

The year of 2010 was pretty much a blur to me because I spent that year going over and over what could have possibly gone wrong. I loved him with all my heart and wanted nothing more than him to come back to me.

In 2011 I made a decision to focus totally on myself and saw a shift in the way I felt. I bought new clothes, started exercising and prayed for this heartache to pass. Slowly and surely it has. What I realized is that the biggest gift that my ex could have given me by breaking up with me is that I have finally found myself. I don’t know if there was a time in my life where I ever really truly felt like a whole and complete person. I feel this way now and would not trade it for the world. I know what I will or will not tolerate. Also I realized that I put my ex up on a pedestal when it was truly me who was the gift to him.

We have spoken a few times since the break up and every time he has apologized to me for how I was treated. He even said to me that “I was a part of him” – Whatever that is supposed to mean.

2 weeks ago we ran into each other and he kept on telling me how great I look and looked at me with lust in his eyes. The old me would have probably have saw this as a sign of hope but the new me just said “thanks” and moved on. I can’t say that I don’t still love him because that would be a lie. I just have now realized that I love the man I first met but don’t love the man who dumped me. To me, these are 2 different people.

To all of you out there who are hurting please know that there is hope and life after a break up.

]]> By: Love Coach Rinatta http://www.lovecoachblog.com/let_go/comment-page-1/#comment-4360 Love Coach Rinatta Fri, 05 Aug 2011 18:56:57 +0000 http://www.lovecoachblog.com/?p=338#comment-4360 Amanda, you said: "How do I not feel forgotten, replaced, used and just plain broken? I want to move on...I want to wake up and not think about him...I want to wake up and not hope to hear from him (because I only end up disappointed) I don't know how and it's actually crippling my life right now. I leave work, feed my children, take a xanax and go to bed. I have lost weight (only bright side to all of this) because I can't eat. I just want to not wake up anymore. How long does it take to heal????" Time does not heal. You could feel like this for a very, very long time. Some people never let go. Others move on, but still hurt over past relationships. That's why I wrote this article. Read it, do what is says and if you still can't let go, consider working with me as coach, so that you can move on and let go. Amanda, you said: “How do I not feel forgotten, replaced, used and just plain broken? I want to move on…I want to wake up and not think about him…I want to wake up and not hope to hear from him (because I only end up disappointed) I don’t know how and it’s actually crippling my life right now. I leave work, feed my children, take a xanax and go to bed. I have lost weight (only bright side to all of this) because I can’t eat. I just want to not wake up anymore. How long does it take to heal????”

Time does not heal. You could feel like this for a very, very long time. Some people never let go. Others move on, but still hurt over past relationships. That’s why I wrote this article. Read it, do what is says and if you still can’t let go, consider working with me as coach, so that you can move on and let go.

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