Love Coach Blog

Love Coaching Social Experiment - watch me coach Jodi, a single, bright, beautiful, late-thirty-something lady to help her attract the man of her dreams – reality tv style, right in front of your eyes and ears. Today I coach Jodi on her addiction to being wanted.

Read full introduction to this social experiment, follow the links from there to previous coaching sessions and then back to this post.

Jodi, as I was reading your last post, I had a few immediate thoughts.

First, how brave you are for willing to reveal the truth about your journey.

Second, I noticed something interesting. In both affairs you were going along, minding your business, but as soon the man showed interest in you, you were pulled in like a magnet against your own will.

I wonder if that is one reason you keep hiding in the closet – because you can’t trust yourself. You can’t predict what you will do next, so you keep yourself and the people you interact with safe from you by only connecting with people who won’t like you that much.

Now why would this happen and what’s this really about?

Here is a theory. Your father didn’t want you, so you will give everything and anything to be wanted. Even though you feel your behavior is unpredictable, in reality I can tell you exactly when you lose your mind: the minute a man wants you, you are lost. Your ability to judge, to make decisions, to discern goes out the window. Your ability to choose whether the person is right for you goes out the window.

Well, this isn’t exactly right. The man has to be a particular kind of man. Unavailable for one, because then if he wants you, you really are something special. He has to be attractive, professional…and there are probably other characteristics.

But the point remains – you are not as you have pictured yourself to be – careless, cold and hurtful. You are desperate for attention and love, and when that attention and love come from a person with a particular combination of traits, you lose yourself in desire to hold on to that love.

What does that mean for the future?

When a man likes you, you have to watch yourself and not allow yourself to slide into oblivion. You then have to choose – is he a fit for you, is he appropriate for you, is he making life choices that you can live with, is he available? You have stand back and be willing to not choose a man even though he likes you and you may feel attracted to him.

In fact, you will feel attracted to every man who likes you, so attraction is not a good measuring stick for you of whether you should be in a relationship with the man. It’s a good starting point, but then you have to be able to choose the person and not just choose to be liked.

I have a course I want you to study. It’s called Whom Are You Dating and it will train you how to see people, so that you can learn to choose whom you will get into a relationship with.

Here is the last point. I know it’s very difficult for you to say “no” to a man who likes you and on the surface looks like the perfect match for you, for whom you feel attraction. You want to say “yes”. You want to be wanted and liked. You are afraid there will never be another man who will want you.

You have to learn to trust that there will always be more men. You have to learn to trust that when you say “no” to the person in front of you, another person will show up.

And you have to not only look for men who like you: you also have to look for men you like – that is what you want – mutual like, not “you like him because he wants you.” In other words, date people you respect, who live with integrity and compassion.

Do you want the same help and coaching Jodi is receiving, so that you can find your way out of being single and into a healthy relationship? You can get help form me, privately by hiring me as your love coach. Contact me, tell me about your situation, and we will go from there. Or go directly to the advice & coaching session sign up page.

 
Update: See what Jodi does next in her quest to find love

From the Heart,