Comments on: Dealing with Heartache – Here’s Relief

By: UpsetAndConfused

UpsetAndConfused — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 23:11:29 +0000

In the last paragraph *removed should be refused.

By: UpsetAndConfused

UpsetAndConfused — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 23:08:35 +0000

I found this advice really helpful. I too, am going through a hard time right now, after calling things off with my boyfriend of three months the other day. I feel so emotional right now, I will go from trying to fake happiness to crying and questioning why I ended it. It was plagued with trouble from the start, but I kept battling all of it, in the bid to prove that I could save our relationship. We lived about an hour apart from each other, but I always managed to get a train or he would drive down to see me. I always had major trust issues, as did he. We made special pacts together, one of them being the fact that I was unhappy with his weed use and with my family being so against it, I wanted him to try and stop. In the end, we agreed on the fact that he could carry on doing it, but that he would cut down a lot more and only do it when I was around so that I never had to worry about it. It was his idea in the first place, his promise. Well, little did I know, he’d carried on doing it behind my back numerous times and I never even knew until I discovered that he had. I don’t know why, being such a small thing you’d probably think that I would of forgiven him for only being human. Wrong. My gut reaction was to cross him out for lying to me and covering things up. I wish he’d told me from the start because how can I trust him now? He could say he was doing something (in any factor) and I’d still question whether he was being truthful or not.

And I wish I didn’t read into things this much, that I could see past it but I can’t. I really thought he loved and respected me as a person. I’ve never lied to him, not even once! And it makes me sick to think that he might be with another girl right now or something, he told me through text that he knew what to look for in his next ‘bird.’ It made me feel sick.

I’m trying so hard to move on. I’ve deleted all of the photos and memories for good, not to mention chucked a few things away that I had.

I feel like I want to know if he’s okay, what he’s doing. I worry about him so much and just wish that we could remain friends online, it would help me as a person. He removed me pretty much straight away. He still removed to take the profile photos down of us though, which annoyed me because I don’t really like the fact that my face is on his page, especially if he was to get a new gf or something.

By: heather

heather — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 01:57:38 +0000

I read this and it helped me stop crying
I have moments, hours of depression where I isolate, dont use the
phone and think there is no point in reaching out since noone wants
to deal with me.

By: AJ

AJ — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 14:14:30 +0000

Firstly am sorry to hear what you have had to go through and what are going through at present with your current boyfriend.

I have been in a similar situation with my ex girlfriends, the problem is in some relationships it is hard to get a response given this kind of situation, the reason why they cannot give you the answer you are looking for is because they are emotionally conflicted meaning they are still thinking about their ex.
The problem here is that you are not getting a 100% honest true relationship, if the person you are with are conflicted and cannot give you the answer you are looking for this is enough to make a choice. Waiting for an answer or forcing an answer will just end up with more lies meaning you will still have it in the back of your mind that you have been lied to in the past and what if this is just more lies?

When anyone goes into a relationship the people in that relationship should put their ex’s behind them and be fully over them otherwise its not a fair honest relationship to be in when you are just thinking about your ex and making comparisons I know I have made this mistake myself

The reason why he is saying he loves you soo much and dont leave him cos he will die etc is because he wants best of both worlds, he wants to keep you whilst having feelings for someone else and this is outright out of order and unacceptable.

A person should always in this case PROVE their love by actions not just words as words can end up having no meaning.
I was lied to for pretty much a year by my ex, some people are soo good at convincing others that they love them but are just being the devil until you find out yourself and its a world of shock.

If you find that its hard to communicate with your boyfriend as you have said and isnt giving you any reassurance then I know its not easy in some peoples cases but its time to leave.

You need someone you can relate to and communicate with and a person that communicates you on the level whereby you know they are telling the truth and I dont mean by making everything sound sweet and mushy and flutter their eyes cos if i have learnt anything thats the kind to avoid.

If you cannot sit down with him and tell him straight whats bothering you and he just walks off then you walk off, you deserve better than this and obviously he doesnt appreciate you and doesnt love you enough to give you what you seek.

By: zoya

zoya — Sat, 28 Jan 2012 13:18:41 +0000

I recently found out that my boyfriend of nearly 2 years was talking with his ex-girlfriend on a regular basis a few months ago and during our relationship. He has told me in the past that he still has feelings for her, however when I confronted him about the phone calls he said “we were just talking as friends.”

He lied to me in the past when I asked him if he had talked to her. Now I am carrying this pain around that I did not create. He hasn’t offered me any kind of reassurance and his apology was forced at best. I am trying really hard to forgive him but it keeps coming up in my mind that he lied and has made me feel like a fool, sometimes I feel so badly that I can’t be near him and I have to leave the room for fear I will just explode.

I want to get past this but I need to hear from him why this happened and why I should believe that it won’t happen again? He won’t talk about it and tells me he can’t deal with this anymore when I do bring it up. I need him to understand my hurt and I need some form of reassurance from him. I just want the truth even if it hurts, at least I’ll know….what should i do with my bf…now he saying i lov u sooo much plzz don’t leave me.i’ll die..blah blahh..

By: Jac

Jac — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 18:57:46 +0000

I have been with her for about 5years,when I say I have been with her,I mean I have lived with her under same roof for 5years so we are more or less like married couples,I have hard time trusting her because I am so scared I will be hurt,yet the little things she does hurts me greatly as if I have already or almost broken up with her.I feel she is not honest to me,I feel she doesn’t tell me the truth,she is too open to people especially guys and when I complain,she tells me she doesn’t have any bad mind behind giving her contact out to guys,just recently she went out with friends(males and females) without informing me until I called her and she was telling me she is at the beach with friends(she is in school at the moment),she then told me she took a photo and I asked her with whom which she replied with a male friend,I was so anxious to know how they took the photo and so I asked her and she told me she sat on the guys lap and took the photo,already she has told me the guy in question is from her hometown.
I am hurting because I feel something is not right..i have so much to say.i cant put everything here being i might give you so much work to do so please just give me advice what to do,I want to get my mind off her so that when the worse happens i will be able to stand it.

By: Mariana

Mariana — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 15:56:16 +0000

Thanks AJ, I hope Zoya really listens to us, life goes on, life is beautiful, BTW, I broke up with a guy just yesterday as well, sure it hurts, sure I cried but out of the blue my two best friends called me without knowing about my brake up, I told them and they cheard me up, also another friend sent me a book and a note remainding me how loved I am, those are signs that I did the right think and I am loved by people that deserve my heart. My heart is healing, I am loved, and I will live my live to the fullest because I deserve it and so does everybody…

Many blessings

By: AJ

AJ — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 15:45:07 +0000

Hey trust me many of us have been there like lifes not worth living and it hurts soo bad, and again trust me when I say I have tried hurting myself could have been to just get the attention or basically because I wanted to feel something real other than emotional pain.

But to just throw out there that you want to kill yourself guess what your ex BF is going to continue living his life, will he care if you killed yourself? Maybe yes or maybe no but ask yourself would you rather have someone that truely loves you or pretends to love you?

Nothing hurts more than giving your entire absolute 200% love and affection to a purpose that ends up either using you, cheats on you etc. Still no matter what bad this person might do you still love them that you just want to forget the bad stuff and just feel you have to have them.

The only solution to moving on is to be around someone that understands you and instead of taking your mind off of it TALK about it instead, talk soo much that every bit of it comes off your chest. Talk about it everyday if you have to you just need someone that is going to listen and for that reason I am truely greatful I have 2 of the best of bestest friends in the world that have been there for me through my 2 horrible relationships.

I am not going to sit here and say ‘dont worry you will find someone else’ NO that isnt what you want to hear, what you want is someone thats gonna sit and listen to you and poor your heart out enough that you cry it all out the sooner you do this and as much as you need to then and only then will you start to feel better.

By: Mariana

Mariana — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 15:44:18 +0000

My God don’t do that!!! Your life does not evolve around a person, your life is yours and nobody will take that away from you. Please think about the people that really love you, your parent’s your friends, what would they do without you. Let your heart hurt but don’t think you will die, all of us survive the brake ups, I promise you. You are really going to be ok.

By: TinyTim

TinyTim — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 02:48:52 +0000

I just wanted to say this meditation has actually helped me. I recently fell for a gal I work with and started feeling heartache after realizing the possibility that something might not happen between us. I haven’t had a girlfriend in two and a half years so this added to some deeply rooted feelings of desolation and loneliness. It really helped remind me that life isn’t always perfect and calmed the growing sensations that worked against me. Three solid days of heartache has been severely lessened by a couple minutes of good introspection. To those this didn’t work for, try it again. Do it slowly, and try to relax.