We experience emotional pain as physical pain, as has been discovered by recent research. This means that when you are experiencing heartache, your heart actually does hurt – well, perhaps not your heart, but something in your body does hurt and badly. You knew this already, because when you feel heartache or anxiety or frustration, it hurts.
In my practice I have noticed people often have a very low tolerance for this pain of heartache – they want to make it go away as fast as possible. And I can understand this. When you have a headache, you want to take an aspirin and if you body hurts, you want to rest, sleep or go to the doctor to find out what’s wrong.
It’s true – physical pain often does indicate something is wrong with out bodies. Emotional pain is different however, even if we experience it physically. The best way to deal with emotional pain is to feel it, without making it better, because on the other side of feeling that pain are great gifts.
In order to understand exactly what I mean, let’s first look at how we behave when we are in pain.
Since physical pain is indication of something gone wrong in the body, you might feel some anxiety or worry about having the pain. You may wonder if you are ok. You want the pain to stop and wonder if and when it will stop, and try to make a plan for how to end it.
Same thing happens with emotional pain. You may feel heartbreak or loneliness or even frustration and wonder if you are going to be ok. You feel anxiety about the pain and wonder if the pain will ever stop and if you are going to survive it.
The interesting thing is that you do survive it, every time.
Think about the last time you felt emotional pain. Perhaps the last time was about a second ago, or perhaps a fairly long time, regardless, put yourself back there for a moment. Now let me ask you a question. Was your body ok while you were feeling that pain? Were any parts of you bleeding or falling off? Were you able to feel emotional pain, but still go to the bathroom, walk and talk?
Emotional pain is not like physical pain. It can be debilitating in that it can take away your desire to do things such as eat, walk, talk, function, but it does not prevent you from actually doing those things. While physical pain is sometimes a signal that something is very wrong, this is not exactly the case with emotional pain. That is why you do not need to be afraid of emotional pain. It is not going to kill you. It is not going to cripple you. It is not going to blind you. It does hurt, but with no real harm to your body.
Emotional pain is different from physical pain in another way. Physical pain often needs outside intervention to make it go away. You may need to take pain reliever, change your diet, go see a doctor, have an operation, bandage the hurt part, etc. Emotional pin will go away if you feel it. Often you have to do nothing else. But if you do not feel, it can linger for a lifetime while you take many actions to avoid feeling it.
This means that when you feel anxiety about feeling heartache and worry about how you are going to make it go away and try to make plans about how you are going to alter circumstance and situations and people so that you stop feeling pain, stop. Remind yourself that nothing bad will happen if you feel pain and it will subside after you allow yourself to feel it. You don’t need to do anything to deal with emotional pain. Instead, you need to be with it.
Deal with emotional pain by delving into it, making friends with it, feeling it until it stops and you are on the other end of it. If you able to do this, there will be gold on the other end.
Here is the gold at the end of emotional pain. Imagine the freedom you would have if you were no longer afraid of feeling emotional pain. If you are single you might be willing to get out there and date more, because you would know you can tolerate the pain of rejection and the pain of not meeting the right person. Or perhaps you would get single and happy, knowing that you could tolerate the pain of loneliness.
If you were in a relationship that wasn’t going fast enough you would either be more patient because you know you could tolerate the pain of waiting, or you would get out because you know that you could tolerate the pain of letting go and being alone.
If you are married or in a long term relationship, you would perhaps speak up for yourself more because you knew that you could tolerate the pain of your partner’s rejection or his or her displeasure with you. Or perhaps you would get closer to your partner because you knew that you can tolerate the anxiety you feel at allowing someone close to you.
If you were going through a breakup or a divorce you could allow the relationship to end because you would know you can tolerate the grief and sorrow of letting go and the temporary loneliness.
Do you see the power you could have over your emotional life if you were able to tolerate emotional pain rather than being afraid of it? It can be truly astounding how much easier and more peaceful life becomes when you are no longer afraid of feeling pain.
It’s true that no one wants to feel emotional pain, but as it is a part of life and unavoidable, better to know that you can tolerate it and get through it then to be afraid of it.
Now for the specifics of how to tolerate emotional pain. Try the mediation below the next time you are suffering from heartache. You can use the meditation once a day, many times a day, or pick a favorite line and use it as constant mantra to help you cope with pain. Or perhaps use this mediation as a template and create a few lines that fit your circumstances best. Feel free to leave your version below in comments.
(I have loosely based this mediation on meditations from the Blooming of a Lotus by Thich Nhat Hanh)
Instructions: simply read this to yourself slowly and breathe.
Feeling pain in my heart, I breath in.
Suffering from the pain in my heart, I breath out.
Feeling my heart breaking, I breathe in.
Feeling as if my heart will break in two, I breathe out.
Feeling the pain is too great to live with, I breathe in.
Feeling as if the pain is going to swallow me up, I breathe out.
Feeling hurt, I breathe in.
Finding hurt where I want love, I breathe out.
Feeling frustration and anger, I breathe in.
Feeling frustration and anger boiling inside, I breathe out.
Wanting things to be different, I breathe in.
Wanting to change him/her, I breathe out.
Wanting attention, I breathe in.
Craving attention, I breathe out.
Wanting gentle touch, I breathe in.
Wanting loving touch, I breathe out.
Feeling I am not good enough, I breathe in.
Seeing nothing good about me, I breath out.
Feeling shame about my body, I breathe in.
Feeling that I am unlovable, I breathe out.
Feeling that no one loves me, I breathe in.
Suffering from not feeling loved, I breathe out.
Feeling frustration, I breathe in.
Feeling fear, I breathe out.
Being afraid that nothing will ever change, I breather in.
Wanting love in my life, I breathe out.
Feeling fear that I will not have what I want, I breathe in.
Feeling fear and anxiety, I breathe out.
Noticing that I am ok, I breathe in.
Noticing that I am ok, I breathe out.
Do you want help dealing with your heartache? I am here to support, comfort and guide you in both learning how to master and tolerate your pain and in actively re-arranging your love life so that it has as little pain as possible and is mostly full of happiness and love. Contact me for a coaching session now.
From the Heart,
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i think i miss her. it’s been 5 days since i last saw her and 6, since she rejected my feelings for her. there’s something terribly wrong with me, i just keep on thinking and thinking about her and it’s been killing me. i wish i could disappear for a moment, just so as for me to be able to heal and move on. however, school’s just around the corner. and i’ll be seeing her soon, i know i just said that i miss her, but i am so afraid that seeing her might amplify the hurt that i feel right now. what the heck am i supposed to do? can you help me?
It is so hard to wrap your mind around someone you love dearly rejecting you. I’ve never felt so heart broken in my life. I feel like I am at this stage where an entire year is flashing before more eyes and all I can see are the beautiful parts. The friendship, the tenderness, the togetherness, the feeling of belonging – I can’t believe it led to great heartache. At least I loved. I am alone in the world and I took the chance and decided to love someone.
To anyone out there reading this: AT LEAST WE LOVED!
We will love again.
Thanks
Amen – We will Love Again!
this really helped. thankyou.
the meditation is perfect.
What a wonderful advice, I never thought like this before
That meditation was something I desperately needed. Thank you. I’ve been heartbroken for months and was stuffing it down and occupying my head with other things. I will do this every day until I’m free and whole again.
After sifting through so much rubbish on the internet about how to handle rejection, I am so glad I found this because it might give me something. My life is a misery following a relationship breakup 6 weeks ago that has also left me homeless for the first time in my life. It is so difficult for a middle-aged man who has lost everything he cherished and now sees no future, no hope – just endless sadness and loneliness. It seems impossible to start all over again. I still feel worthless and have constant thoughts of suicide, but I will try (an adaption of) this mediation because I really don’t want to give up just yet.
Jonathan Dowling,
Melbourne Australia
I am hurting a lot. i was broken up with 2 days ago, the love of my life. doesnt seem as though anyone feels the same , no one can help me, i am desperate, hurting so much id rather not live, my emotional pain is physical. i cant talk , lift things. typing is very hard. i dont have many friends and i feel utterly lonely and shattered and beside myself. this meditation took the edge off for a couple mins. thanks
well, its been almost 2 months since our breakup and sadly, i’ve still not fully come to terms with things. I still feel, that in my heart she is the one for me but clearly this can’t be the case if she isn’t returning those feelings. Depression, suicide and all sorts of other things weigh heavy on my mind but if i’m totally honest, your article is the first thing i’ve read that actually makes sense. I shall certainly give the meditation a go, what harm can it do. I know i deserve to stop feeling this way and be happy, i just hope some day soon i can be.
it has been over 2 years since I lost the love of my life, it took the better part of a year before I could even think about seeing anyone else, I couldnt bare the pain of her loss. I have dated, been in long relationships however have not felt anything close to how she made me feel. I can say that i have learned to live with the pain that never yealds, most people think im fine that im over it but the reality of it is i have become empty and hollow, waiting for the time i will be finaly free from this torment
Its been over three months since she left. Two months since I became homeless in middle age. And one week since the divorce was final. I have been “doing” well, but the last couple of days…. I’m embarrassed. She running around drinking and showing off her ability to do what she wants in a small town. This meditation opened up a lot. Hoping to continue to heal. We have two small children, so we have to communicate daily. This doesn’t allow for much separation.
We were together for 5 years and it’s been 2 months since the break up. We only lived together the last 3 months of the relationship and everything fell apart quickly. I gave up most of my belongs to move in with him. So the pain of heartache is also anger. I made a big mistake by moving in, by doing that he had all the power. Instead of working on the problem he choose to ask me to leave. The past 5 years was just a lie. I doubt I will ever trust again.
same here 5 wasted years of my life to end up with nothing then anger and revange feellings, working on a big promotion and now this bad timing!!, my energy seems to have faded, my willingness to go on is just not there, i konw i sound like a victim oh well shame on me for been so vulnarable, i’m so angry i’m just thinking on getting back at her make her feel my pain. It’s been 2 days and counting….
Hang in there Fredo…you have to feel the pain and anger to get through it. All part of the process, I started dating again quickly and it really helped in many different ways.
Good luck!
This is a helpful message to a certain point but it’s not true that heartache and emotional pain cannot damage the body physically. Anxiety, high blood pressure, and related symptoms can weaken the arteries and blood vessels over time. We have all heard of stories where partners of many years die soon after their loved ones, of a “broken heart.” The mind can be a very powerful force and the pain is very real. I think meditation can be a good way to teach us to soothe ourselves and relieve some of that.
Faye Thanks for the support; we all seemed to have very similar situations, in my case I’m having trouble accepting the loss I’m angry that I finally opened up and all went to waste that I gave myself and lost , I know in order to be a champion one have to learned from the losses but my life is not a sports team, seems that my brain has gone on cruise control and in close doors and all It’s thinking is her and the things she could be doing with some one else….i know it will get better is just too freaking hard right at this moment as I write this.
Fredo believe me I know how you feel. This first 2 months I felt like I was in a shell. All I could think about were the memories and so many things would trigger those thoughts. I couldn’t understand how someone could spend so many years sharing their life with you, telling you over and over how much they cared to giving up on the relationship so quickly. I felt violated and used and really stupid for believing that this person was real and sincere. I’ve learned to keep my feelings protected and my anger is due to the fact that I will never truly trust anyone with my feelings again (he did that to me). I used to be very open and caring but that is gone (I’ve changed) I will never allow anyone to hurt me in that way again. I’m also angry at myself, if I would of left a year ago I’d be much better off emotionally, physically (I lost ten pounds) and financially. I believe in Karma – what goes around comes around – someday he will feel the pain that he inflicts on others.
faye, i feel you believe me, every time my brain revisited the last melo-dramatic moments is like a current of electricity that runs thru my body, i have became for now an angry and very very cold person like i don’t owe anything to the world and viceversa, funny thing i function well when i’m like that, sad i go down into the depressive mood, angry is like a shot of adrenaline that boost my body, just the other day i usually run for 20 min before workout but that specific monday my body and mine kept asking me not to stop i ran for a full hour,never for one moment stop thinking the same crap however didn’t hurt as much, is funny how our amazing human body works, i saw a tiny bity thing of light at the end., just thought i share that with you
Why do I feel like this? All of my physical needs are taken care of. On the other hand, my sexual and spiritual needs are depleted. I’ve been living in celibacy for three plus years. I wonder, is this why I can’t concentrate. I work a physically brutal job. I’m only halfway finish with earning a bachelor degree to change my situation, I take one class per quarter. I’m pass fifty and need a life change. The decision of my pass has really hurt me and I and I really feel them.
I love him more than anything, anything but my family. My father said to run from a man who doesn’t get along with his family, and run even farther from the man who doesn’t get along with mine. Its been two years together, and finally, two days before Christmas my dad tells me this. I love him so much, my daughter calls him daddy. I can hardly eat, my work is preoccupied, my friends and family dismiss it as if my heart isn’t breaking at all. I just want him back, but I need my family. My head and my heart are fighting and it makes me want to do nothing but sleep.
I have been suffering from heartache for almost 4 years because of a man I can’t stop loving. I feel that this unrequited love can be so emotionally damaging that, I totally agree it hurts more than physical pain sometimes. I am so glad that I found you article, wish I had read it earlier. It did help .What I had been doing was to try so hard to get rid of the pain ,only to find that it was becoming even stronger. Yes, maybe i should allow myself to feel it , to be with it . I will keep in mind that i will survive it.
well, i came out of my relationship 5 days ago. We were together over 3 years. From day 1 i managed to eventually sacrifice all the things i cared about because i cared about her more, and all that mattered was her happiness, she had a lot of issues and i managed to bandage a lot of the hurt that had come upon her, i was her rock and she was mine. outsiders viewed us as the happiest couple… and i was, i was the happiest man alive, she made me feel so loved and so special, and in return i gave her my entire heart, and she was the first to recieve the 200% of love i am capable of. after 2 and a half years i started to notice her shifting, changing, but she assured me she was the same, but she wasnt, starting to drift back, wanting other guys attention, when literally i gave her all the attention she required without being over powering or over protective, cos i just wanted to make her happy. i put so much focus and effort in the last couple of month and after a couple of breaks where i tried my hardest and fought my hardest i found out she had been going behind my back with another guy. at which point i ended it and the lies and deceit ripped my heart in two. i told her that it was her turn to fight the way i had been, and if she was really as upset as she said, now was her chance. she didnt take it. she was done. instant heart brake for me after trying so hard. what a sucker i was. women rip our hearts in two, i wont stand for this anymore. i feel sorry for the next girl, noone will ever recieve the love i gave her. i feel torn apart from the inside out. but know i must move on.
except same thing has just happened to me. its horrible to imagine herself enjoying herself having sex with another guy and then remembering her coming home to me as if everything was perfect
@Chris your experiences are same with mine,i think women are not ment to be loved with all our hearts.mine is about a month now and there were plans to get married december 2010.I had done introduction dec 2009 with the family as part of our the traditional rites.The oldest man and her family members came and before drinking the wine and stuffs i came it the bride to be was called and asked if they should go ahead and drink my wine,she smiled and said yes.Everything seemed ok and i was expecting a list of what i will bring for the main Traditional rite when she got the list she said she was gonna send it via courier and i told her easter is just arround the corner that when i come then i will colect it then we can plan.To my greatest surprise i asked for a book on Holy spirit which she collected the last time she came to my house and i heard her say “i will bring everything that i collected from u”i knew that statement ment something i travelled easter and after partying with my family she broke the news,that i should hold the marraige plans and i asked why she gave some reasons which i knew was not genuine.bt anyway spoke to the mother about it cos i was close with the family already they talked to her and she was bent on her decision but i later found out thru her phone that she was dating another guy.Man its painful ,i sacrificed a lot in this relationship to make it work.i saw the signs bt she kept on assuring me that she wont leave me bt in the end she left.well i guess thats to show us that the “MIND OF MAN IS FULL OF DECEIT”we all need to becareful on issues bothering on “LOVE”.alwaz have one belief “WHAT GOES ARROUND COMES ARROUND”The New guy may or may not be the perfect ladies tend to go by what they SEE.The future is Unknown,issues of marraige is not physical to me.anyway i have decided to move on,it hasnt been easy bt i will survive it.I dont plan entering into a relationship immediately so that i dont make mistake.
but in my case i feel no physical pain, just vengence. I have been trodden on by so many people, and the person that stood by me and had my heart did the same. when that person that you care about most in the world does it, it makes you feel like you can trust no one. let no one in. i fear she has ruined me for the rest of my days. no more mr nice guy.
I just moved out and the heartache of missing my family and especially my animals is getting harder each day I just want someone to hold me and tell me that I can make it.
I had a two year relationship with a man I believed I could spend the rest of my life with, however the relationship ended for me unexpectedly which has led to 2 more years of unresolved grief and emotional hurt. We briefly reconciled the relationship which I was both ecstatic and fearful about, eventually he ended the relationship again. He left me for another woman who was married at the time, had four children, and worked with him. After he ended the relationship again, he returned to that relationship and is now pregnant with her. She is getting a divorce from her husband now. I believed I was at a point where I had emotionally dealt with the hurt, but hearing the news he was marrying and having a child with this woman open what I thought were old, healed wounds. In particular the deep wound I have which was caused by his statement he could not offer me a life of matrimony and children, which I find he can now do with this woman that is not me. I read this entry and felt better about the situation, however it is difficult when everything seems so bleak. I just pray that I will get to a point when I can finally let go of the emotional inprint that has been created due to the hurt associated with this man I will always love.
I’ve been married and divorced and had a love affair end and was devastated, but NOTHING compares to your son or daughter hating you. I have a teenage daughter who is depressed and so hateful and angry. I know most teenagers feel angst and frustration but, when my daughter tells me she despises me…..I believe her. I have her in therapy and I’m sure it will help someday but in the mean time it is so hard to hear her tell me daily how much she hates me. I will never love anyone else the way I love her, and my heart literally hurts. For me personally this is much harder than getting over a man.
i lost my love a week before. really hurt me a lot. am a gal wid lot of enjoyment. i believed him fully. but he told that there is no chance to come. he only proposed to me. i cant tolerate my pain.i cant sleep also.
I am still with my girl but Ive gotten into trouble and it has made it very hard for me to see her. And things have piled up between drama from other people and other things and it makes me so sad because i want to be with my girlfriend all the time and right now we are unsure when we will see each other and sometimes we dont hear from each other for for 8 or more hours. its just really hard for me because i cant do anything to get my mind off of her and every time i try to be happy i still feel this sadness and it hurts me so bad and i want our relationship to be a great one but right now i dont know what to do. and we do have a very strong relationship if it will help anything.
Change. We know that it is one of the only constants in life. So why do we fight it so? The grief cycle is another constant but man it still hurts. Just when it seems like life is going along smoothly….bam! Why do fools fall in love? It is the best and it hurts the worst.
I have been in love with a married woman for 5 years! I am a musician /artist…and also have been married for many years. During this time I didn’t want to admit that my partner wasn’t THE one. We lived together as friends and it was fun…however there was always something missing. Then one day I met my dream woman. She was THE one. Why? We played music together, we created together, we had the same goals and aspirations. We enjoyed each others company and understood where we were going. This was it…this was my perfect woman i had been dreaming of for years. So for five years we created and worked together and in a way loved each other? No sex during this time…however, she made me believe that she was interested. Then gradually it dawned on me that she was in fact a flirt, had flings and affairs, could entice a man with her looks and conversation and sweet talk. But I was hooked. She still was the one!! Because I wanted to share my musical and artistic passion with someone …and we did. Now, after having my heart broken so many times….I have difficulty in leaving this relationship. Why? because i am in a band. There are other people involved that rely on my musical ability. We have a CD recorded that has to be sold. We see each other at music festivals . Its so difficult to leave….as also my musical passion will be broken. This is what i’ve been working for so many years…and i will lose it. So, I started drinking to ease the pain. That doesn’t work. My mojo is gone…my muse is gone. Why do I allow to be so involved. Its so hard to ,let go. I’m at the point of no return. What to do?
For all of you who have been there you understand the pain. For those who haven’t….its a pain that won’t go away when you know that you have met someone you have dreamt of for so long….and can’t have. Its tough. I cry too. I am 57.
ok i used to like this other girl but then i asked her out….she said umm im a say no. i felt like i would fall apart but i survived. it happened to me again with another girl but i survived. but with this girl she was my friend. i liked her so much. i loved everything about her. when ever i get sad all i had to do was look in her eyes and feel happy. but when i asked her out she said no. she wants to be friends. she then said it would ruin wat we have. i was heart broken like no other. i actualy cried over a girl 4 the first time in my life i thought we would go to gether and be happy but she liked someone else. every girl likes him. then i see them playin around and i just hurt even more. now when i look into her eyes all i feel is pain and dispare and nothing else. i i still like her till this day but it just hurts thinking about it.
I just caught my girlfriend of 6 years cheating on me with another man. thank your for you advice, meditation, and website. It is very difficult, but I am sure I will get through it. Nothing like getting your heart ripped out of your chest……..but relationships (even bad ones) are a very difficult thing to move on from. The most comforting thing is to know that there are others than have been through the same thing. Its tought to move on, but necessary to have a full and meaningful life which is what I so desire………
I am hurt, and i cant stop thinking about her, She doesnt think i love her, but if she knew the pain I am enduring ,she would know, I know she has suffered pain too. they say that if you dont have contact with the subject of your heartache, the pain will subside sooner, i hope so, but its still early,and has only been 3 weeks, she refuses to have any contact with me, she is angry ,and decided to leave me, some of the things , that was suggested , I have tried, its hard, but I know I will survive., although the pain is intense.
Its different if they broke up with you, then you have something to get over because you have no control, What if your the one who broke up with the person becuase you knew, 2 much was done, 2 much was said and the situtations messed up beyond belief. Due to trust issues the woman I’m in love with I cant get myself to give my heart to her because I dont treust her she lies alot, while on the other had I have a wonderfull woman whos loves me with all her heart but i dont love her like I do the damn liar how crazy is that. So In essence what do you do when your the casue of your heartache, because your makeing the “sensible” decision and it eats away at you because your the one who’s keeping you in this position… I guess to save myself from it later.
why do you think she lied to you?
For everybody, There is always something better for all of you, trust me. Be smart fell the pain and go out meet someone else, after awhile, it will be over with the past, you are living right now and you are happy.
It was a blessing to have found this site, I was sitting here …1.doubting myself, 2. wondering why im not marriage material 3. Wondering what I could have done different. 4. I feel damaged. 5. But reading all these stories and quotes I know that this will pass. I will feel alive once again. Its just so hard to deal with the pain- after 2 years he sends me an email with how he felt. Said that things were boring and yet, he said I love you. But wasnt open to any suggestions. He rolled his eyes etc. I have looked into this …and he was quite the emotional abuser . So I am going to lift my head up high, and know that I did my best.
I found this quote on this site: AT LEAST WE LOVED!
We will love again.
amen to that!
I.
if anyone can give me suggestions or anything that would chear me up ,lift my spirits. please let me know..
I cannot describe my pain right now. I literally feel the lump in my throat, I can’t breath and its hurts so much that I cant even cry anymore…. BUT, at least I put myself out there and just like someone mentioned here, we all share the same fate:
“we loved and we will do it again!”…
Thanks For the article, it was much appreciated, i, am no stranger to pain, ive felt it and rejection tons of times before, there’s never been once when a girl has ever accepted my proposals. The latest was the most painful, i have to say thank you from the bottom of my heart for this article, and i hope that there will be someone for me in the future. Unitl then, ill express myself using the creativity in my heart for song-writing. Thank you. :]
i’m hurting too. it’s been over a year, we were only together for two, we had a child and were engaged, lived together, and he dumped me cruelly after being cold and selfish more often than not. i cannot believe i’m still not over him. all signs point to his being a narcissist, so why do i want him back? why am i happy when he shows signs of still loving me? he was reckless with my heart, so why still the inability for me to make this over and move on? why am i so insanely reluctant to let go of this man?
I’m feeling heartache now! It has been one year and 6 months that me and my childs father departed from each other. When i became pregnant with our son he decided that he did not want to make our relation/friendship work anymore! I have been hurt eversince:( with this sudden decision he made it made me wonder that there was another female involved. I asked him but he denied it each and everytime. Just two days ago while dropping my daughter off at daycare in the morning he was dropping our son off and his girlfriend was in the car. I was so hurt and i cried all the way to work because i always knew, but never seen it for myself. Now that i have that confirmation i can deal with my hurt. Because before i would be moving on, but always suffered from the heartache and questioning “Why did this happen to us!” Now I have closure and I thank god for loving me so much and exposing the truth to me at the right time!!
my relationship with my husband of 6 years stopped working nearly 1 year ago, then about 5 months ago i went out with my colleague who had the same problem but 19rs older than me, I simplely thought that older man would be nicer and more mature, everything went very well at the beginning, I still remember that when i was so confused about was it the right thing to do then he made promises, commitments…that he would love me have a family with me, but when i finally decided to separated from my husband, he decided to end our relationship, what a joke.
it has been 4 weeks since the break up, i still have heartaches every day, its normal, and i do feel angry all the time with his bluffing and backstabbing, but i keep telling myself that i am attractive and the person who decides to leave you does not worth the tears and the hurt, pick yourself up and be the better person – I wish him well and I tell myself everyday to really mean it, just give them time to let them realise what they’ve lost.
It remarkable how we met.We were born the same day,month but not d same year.Her dad and mine share d same name,likewise me and her junior.So i thought it was fate,but after 2 years of being in luv wt each other i noticed she was dating smone behind my back.She lied at first but opened up when she was done with me.Few wd understand how i feel considering how much i love her-it kills
I am not the victim I am the perpetrator, this is the 2nd time i broke her heart because of my indecisiveness, but this time i did it becuase i want her to find love, i want her to experience love elsewhere and if we are lead back to eachother (which i pray we are) then we will do it forever. It is hard to read these msg, because I am certain this is how she felt towards me, It has been a year, we havent spoken a word, i think she has moved on, but if she loved me as much as she said then i pray that i still have a part of her heart. I hate what i put her through, i hate destroying her. But if i didnt end it I could have never given her my whole heart, she is the only woman i ever saw myself marrying. and i hurt everyday but she doesnt know because i carry and hide this burden of being the bad guy. everyone out there that has been hurt, dont ever give up on love, if you believe and know in your heart that you are meant to be with that person, then you can make it happen, when you form a bond that is true and real no one or nothing can destroy it. I am gonna continue to hurt because i deserve it, and i will continue to pray for her everyday that she is lead back to me, but more importantly i will pray for myself that i become a better man, better freind and a better lover to her and her only.
Its been months almost a year since she last left me. The pain was tremendous i cared for her gave her my all n more. I couldnt eat sleep or live without her. She took da biggest chunk out of myheart and till this day its still missing. i depended on marijuana and liquor to get me ova her but thats only a temporary relief from it. Every female ive been with after her has ben terrible it seems as if i dont trust n beleive n females since she did me how she did. n most of da stuff se did to me i accuse my counterparts of doing. I jus don kno wat to do no matter wat my heart hurts n yearns for da healing it needs. the meditation worked for a couple of mins. But in reality im still broken..
So much pain. It feels like I’m going to have a heart attack (it’s in the genes).
We were dating when she found out she was pregnant by another guy. She never pretended it was mine. It was messy. I stuck by her. She left and went home, all 6000 miles away, with a gorgeous little boy who called me Daddy. I thought she was the one for me. That little boy that called me Daddy certainly was. She suffers from what’s called Voicelessness, she changes herself to become what she thinks you want, but then can’t hold the ‘pose’, and so the relationship just crumbles in front of you, and no conversation, no heart to heart, will ever put it back together again.
She’s dating again now. I’m not. The desolation is complete.
Life seems to hold nothing worth speaking of. I just move between the ends of the day looking forward to the comfort sleep brings. Even alcohol does nothing for the pain.
I just want my life to be over already. I’m sick of it, the whole shooting match. I can’t tell you how much I miss my little man, how much I feel I’ve let him down.
I thought I found my soul mate and Loved him like nothing else…Ten years of my life invested in him and now I feel nothing but heartache. This pain is unbearable, and makes each breath in life unbearable.
I read this recently somewhere and is helping me –
“All things in life are temporary, If going well, enjoy it, they will not last forever. If going wrong, don’t worry, they can’t last long either”
It is hard but Thank God the pain will be temporary! It has been 6 weeks since we separated and I hope I can recoup soon with the support of friends, family and meditation.
This website is helpful.
Cheers to us all for having the courage to LOVE and being strong! This too shal pass and we will find our perfect partners – we will LOVE again!
My girlfriend broke up with me almost a month ago. She was and still is my first love. I started dating her two years ago then out of the blue she left me for a man. She doesnt care what happens to me. She was my first for EVERYTHING and now she doesnt even want to hear my voice. I have heart pain so bad it feels like it will kill me. I feel like being killed would be less painful. I just want her back and i know i can never have that and it makes me want to die. I can’t stop crying, i just really want her back.