Love Coach Blog

Coaching Session #9 of Love Coaching Social Experiment – Opening the Heart. Watch me coach Jodi, a single, bright, beautiful, late-thirty-something lady to help her attract the man of her dreams – reality-tv style, right in front of your eyes and ears.

Read the full introduction to this social experiment, follow the links from there to previous coaching sessions and then back to this post.

Jodi is feeling melancholic and my heart goes out to her. She is realizing what has not worked in her life and that wherever she goes, there she is, the consequences of her choices in tow.

Take a look at her two posts about how she’s feeling and what she is dealing with and then come back here and read my coaching to her.

I have good news for Jodi. No matter what our past looks like, we can be redeemed. From any point in one’s life a person can create a life he or she truly loves. So, Jodi, you will have what you want even though you have not created a love life you want, or even a life you love, as of yet.

I know you feel sad about the past – lonely and empty – and you are afraid it will always be like this for you. So how can I say that life will be different for you soon, that your heart will open and you will have real love?

I will tell you, Jodi: When we first started to work together as coach and client, you ran away when we confronted difficult issues. When I asked you to look at your emotions, to alter the way you related to the world and to yourself, you avoided our conversations and me. And in that way you were very normal and ordinary.

You see, normal and ordinary people do not think they need help with their hearts or their dating or relationship lives. They think that hoping and wishing, getting advice from their friends, who are also in the same boat, or dating a slew of new people will do the trick - their love life will finally turn out.

But having true love – a deep, satisfying, healthy loving relationship – is not normal and ordinary in this day and age. Perhaps in the days of fairy tales it was normal and ordinary to meet The One, fall in love and live happily ever after. But in this day and age people meet each other, fall in love for the wrong reasons and live miserably ever after. Others fall in love and do live happily ever after for a short time, only to be alone and searching for love again shortly thereafter.

So if it’s extraordinary to have true love, then it takes something extraordinary to make it happen. And that’s why, Jodi, I think true love is in your future, because you are doing something extraordinary. You have asked me to help you change from the inside out and you are taking and applying my advice and coaching: you are changing and growing. You may not be having an easy time of it right now, but that will change. You are doing what extraordinary people with extraordinary love lives do – learning how to do relationships differently. You are not just paying lip service to change and growth, nor just reading information and then dismissing it – you are actually actively growing. As long as you keep taking real steps towards growing yourself, you are guaranteed a bright future.

And you, dear reader, will you continue to be normal and ordinary, or will you do something extraordinary to improve your love life? It’s really up to you, as it is your life. But do you know that your life is no dress rehearsal, that time is not standing still while you try to figure out how to make your love life work? You may want to ask yourself how much more of your life you will allow to go by without a great, satisfying love or at least without moving into the direction of love in the way that Jodi is doing. See, I know that no matter what you are struggling with in your love life, I can help you. But whether you avail yourself of my help or not – well, that’s really up to you, isn’t it?

Jodi asked me a number of questions this week. Her questions and my answers are below.

Jodi said: Please help me with my urge to run. It doesn’t matter what I run from, a lot of it is not running towards a destination or a goal, just an escape

Love Coach Rinatta says: Connection gives ultimate meaning to people’s lives. Without connection life becomes just a series of events. You have lacked connection, so what else would you do with your time but run to keep yourself occupied and distracted from the fact that you were missing connection and love?

In other words, you were hurting about not having love, even if you didn’t know it, and so you ran, as you said, to escape. This tendency to run will remain with you, and will reemerge in times of emotional stress. You have to know this so that you can be aware when it comes up. When you get close to another breakthrough in our work, all of a sudden an opportunity to run in some way will show up. When you do get into a relationship and you start to fall in love – which will terrify you – again opportunities to run will show up.

You will have learn how to say no to these distractions and stay your course, no matter how difficult it is, because, as you know, only focused attention brings results.

Jodi also asked me about her remembrance meditation practice.

Jodi said: I have been focusing on the remembrance more and it reaffirms my closed heart. When trying to open myself to my higher power, or myself, I feel apprehensive. The feeling comes and goes throughout the session. My mind also wants to wander so I spend a lot of time trying to put myself back into focus. It goes somewhat like this; focus, apprehension, fear, relax, wander, remind myself to stay focused and the process repeats. How long do you think it will take for my heart to open to receiving?

Love Coach Rinatta says: Jodi, the first thing remembrance does is present for you whatever is already in your heart, so it’s natural that your heart feels closed and that you feel apprehension – this is exactly how you do feel and the crux of everything we have been working on.

Let’s work on overcoming your apprehension and that will help you open your heart, because the reason you heart is closed during the remembrance is because you are afraid.

Is there a higher power big enough, loving enough, encompassing enough, that it would not have the human ability to betray you? Can you find a source big enough, that is only energy or is only love, that can be completely trusted? Try calling to that source in your remembrance meditation. You may have to work on being conscious, while doing the meditation, of whom you are calling on and keep correcting yourself to call to the highest, biggest, all-energy and/or all-love source. This should ease your apprehension and, with that, you will start to open your heart.

As far as your mind wondering, that’s pretty normal. Most people meditating for the first time can’t keep the focus for very long. Mental focus is a skill that is learned over time, and with practice. The more you practice, the longer you will be able to stay focused while in meditation. Eventually you will be able to have minutes at a time with no thoughts, where you are only aware of the source. Imagine that!

Keep sharing with me how the remembrance is going and I will help you fine-tune it.

Finally, Jodi and I had an interesting email exchange while I was writing this. I think you, dear reader, will really glean something from this.

Jodi wrote: Dustin text messaged me today. He lives in an area without cell phone reception but he can send messages. He says he is thinking about me. I have not seen him for two weeks. I did ask what he was doing today and he said that he was going to a bike show with his brother. I am not quite sure why he contacted me. I am disappointed that he is unavailable.

Love Coach Rinatta wrote: Tell me about this disappointment. I thought you had made up your mind that he wasn’t for you, so why the disappointment? As to why he contacted you - you seem to be the hub that these men come back to when they have needs. They don’t have needs very often, as most unavailable men are unaware of their need for connection. But when these guys you used to attract feel needy, they contact you. And then, just like that, by asking him what he was doing, you met his needs. That’s probably all he needed - just to be wanted by you. And off he goes. What do you think of that?

Jodi wrote: I don’t want him to be unavailable and that is why I feel disappointed. There he is; the guy with the character qualities I want, and yet he is unavailable. You are correct about his neediness, it connects with mine for a moment and then it is gone. You are right, off he goes but here I sit feeling isolated and disappointed. I think it is because he is not contacting me for the reasons I want him to. This must mean it is time to connect with my higher power. I will do that for emotional comfort. Thank you for your insight!

Love Coach Rinatta wrote: Jodi, brilliant of you to see that your higher power connection will fill up the hole you feel inside right now.

You really are doing so well, even if doesn’t feel great right now. Keep working on yourself and soon, when you are ready, you and I will brave the world of dating from your newfound perspective. But first here is what I want you to do: when you feel lonely and empty, I want you to work on your remembrance meditation. Ultimately I want you to learn how to fill your heart up with love whenever you need it, regardless of what’s going on in your life. Work on this during this week, please.

Dear reader, do you want the same help and coaching Jodi is receiving, so that you can find your way out of being single and into a healthy relationship? You can get help from me, privately, by hiring me as your love coach. Tell me about your situation, and we will go from there. Or go directly to the coaching signup page.

From the Heart,