Love Coach Blog

Coaching Session #3 of Love Coaching Social Experiment - watch me coach Jodi, a single, bright, beautiful, late-thirty-something lady to help her attract the man of her dreams – reality tv style, right in front of your eyes and ears.

Every Friday night come back to this blog to read new instatement of Coaching Jodi – her new questions and inquires about her journey to attract a loving man for a wonderful, healthy relationship – and my coaching to help her.

Read full introduction to this social experiment, follow the links from there to previous coaching sessions and then back to this post.

This week Jodi has brought up a number of issues and questions that need answers and coaching from me.  They will also need further exploration from her. Here is what I will be addressing today:

~ On the point of many women tending to date unavailable men, Jodi said:
“I wonder if it is our compassionate nature or if we are fixerupper specialists?  If so, I would like some recognition please.  A degree maybe?! LOL”

~ Coaching from Love Coach Rinatta Paries:

Why do people get into patterns of dating other unavailable people, when what they really want is love. Here are the reasons:

1. Fear – of what is personal to you, but always there is fear. Fear of what?
2. You do it because it works for you. It may not be what you say you want, but if you keep doing it, it’s working for you. How is it working for you?
3. You are using the unavailable people as they are using you. What are you using them for?

I know it’s more attractive to think that it’s your compassionate nature, but in fact the nature of human being is always to take care of our needs first, always. Even Mother Theresa was selfish ( I know I am going to get flack for this). I bet serving others deeply fulfilled her, so she served others to take care of her own needs.

People don’t date unavailable people because they are compassionate. They date unavailable people because it helps them to take care of their needs. How has it helped you to take care of your needs?

~ Later I asked Jodi why she was dating unavailable men, really. She said she was in a hurry to get into a comfort zone with men, and the ones she was dating were willing to go there with her in a hurry (even though they ended up being unavailable).

~ My Coaching to Jodi:

Jodi, I don’t get this. Tell me more. What actually happens with these guys and you? Is it something like you go out with them and immediately the two of you are in a relationship and that’s what you are calling the comfort zone?

Read Jodi’s reply on her blog and then follow the link there to get back to this post.

~ Finally Jodi asked me the big question for this week:

Now that I know gambling on unavailable men is a losing game, give me some tips on scaring them off.  I am looking to become unattractive to them.  Today, I am asking dates if they are newly divorced and then writing them off.  I don’t believe that it is fair to judge someone because they have been out of a marriage/partnership for a short time.  I have a girlfriend who has a fabulous relationship with a newly divorced guy and what about Sheryl Crow?  Lance Armstrong is newly divorced!  I am thinking that it is more complicated than that because it leaves all the unavailable men still attracted to me.

I want to scare UNAVAILABLE men away without being a bitch.
What are the signs to look for in unavailability?  It has got to be more than how long the guy has been out of a relationship or even if they have never been married.
There is a head full for you

~ My Coaching to Jodi:

Jodi, you can’t scare off unavailable men. You can stop attracting them though, and stop being attracted to them. And you are ultimately right – a man or a woman right out of divorce is not necessarily unavailable, although there is a higher chance that they will be.

In order to be able to coach you on how to stop attracting unavailable men I need to know what happens with you and them. How do you pick them out and why, how do you choose to go out with them and why? I also need to know you criteria for selecting men out – whom do you say no to and why, whether that’s looking at their profile or going out on a date with them.

I know, more questions and no answers and you are in a hurry. Take a deep breath and relax into this – I will lead you out of this wilderness, but first we have to be sure that we can see where we are going and how we are going to get there.

As far as “what are the signs to look for in unavailability” please answer that yourself. After all, you are the one that has exclusively dated unavailable men. What do they all have in common? How do they all show up in the beginning? Detail out the pattern, so that it becomes vivid and unmistakably recognizable for you. If you want a worksheet to help you do this, use the Pattern Tracker eCourse – it will help you figure out the pattern of the people you tend to attract.

Jodi, please gather the questions from this post and answer them so that we may move forward with more clarity.

Update: See Jodi’s reply to this coaching

From the Heart,