Comments on: How to Get Your Partner to Change His or Her Behavior

By: Anthony

Anthony — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 19:19:53 +0000

i wanted to ask im havin big problems like me and my girl are fightin alot all the time like we will stop one day an start the next day i wanna be a better man for her she wants my old self bac but i dont know how to change back to my old self i try an try but i cant find out how to can you help me i wanna marry her an she does to but we both want to work things out but how can you please help me im stressed out all the time an mad at myself i wanna feel good like the old days when i was different

By: Love Coach Rinatta

Love Coach Rinatta — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 20:30:24 +0000

Adriana, work on change that impacts you as opposed to trying to impact him. If you want to create a specific strategy of action, I will be happy to meet with you for a coaching session. If you are interested, go here to register.

By: Adriana

Adriana — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 20:24:11 +0000

hmm…i dont know what i CAN change more about myself… do i just stand up for what i want…. i feel like i dont know where to draw a line between standing up for what i want and being demanding….i dont know, i feel so confused

By: Love Coach Rinatta

Love Coach Rinatta — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 20:06:27 +0000

Adriana, he may not change at all, but if he does, it will be because you changed. What are you willing to change?

By: Adriana

Adriana — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 19:20:32 +0000

Hi there….
so i find mytself in alot of the same situations that i am reading about..I have known my bf for about 6 years…on and off…the last time we got togher i got pregnant after being wiht him for 3 months… i was horrified, but we decided to keep the baby and see what happens… i dont know if it matters but i am 25 and he is 26. Well, at first he used to go out all of the time and spend alot of the time with his friends, which is when i threatened to leave ( i was 6 moths pregnant)..he promised that everything will change..its hard to say it he has been any different- he works out of town mist of the time…well, we had a lot of argument s and i am realizing what i have gotten myself into… he is adopted, his dad is 2 time divorced and has been an alcoholic since my bf was a baby…he grew up with all of the material things, but his dad was never really there for him emotionally… i dont know if i am just looking for excuses for him..
well, he went out on the weekend and didnt come home until the next day around lunch… didn’t call or nothig ..he said that he was sorry that he didnt think about calling…
i am feeling so tired of all of the bs…. its been 3 years…we have a beautiful 2 year old boy and i would think that because he never had a “family” when he was growing up, he would try everything in his power to keep us together… i am tired of trying to make it work…. i still love him though .
I dont know what to do…i dont want to waste another 3 years but i dont see how he will change…
Does anyone have any suggestions for me.

Thank you in advance

By: Love Coach Rinatta

Love Coach Rinatta — Mon, 16 Mar 2009 16:25:19 +0000

Hi Robin, take a look at the following article on cnn – it will give you insight into what you should do – http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/03/12/o.survivors.of.abuse/index.html

By: Robin

Robin — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 05:30:01 +0000

Coach Rinatta Paries,

I don’t know really where to begin as this is not something I would normally do. Normally I know what I want, when I want it, and can roll with the punches. But in this situation, I’m torn. I have been married to my husband now 3.5 years. We were together 2 years prior. I knew who he was before I married him, and I never expected him to change. I went into the relationship with the realistic notion that I could be comfortable with him as a partner for the rest of my life. Now things have changed.

Now that I reflect on our relationship, I see that I have given up a lot of my control in the relationship. I humor him when possible and allow him to think he is in control when he is not. Now he acts like he is in control and he knows how to intimidate me. The worst part about it is, his temper can be rather explosive in nature and my past experiences with violence from my late violent alcoholic father have made me rather emotionally unstable. I feel the strong need to fight or flight. He has never laid a hand on me, because I told him up front that if he ever did, he would lose his hand.

Now, if we have fights, he threatens to throw me out of the house with the clothes on my back and that he will burn my things. He’s even threatened to call the police and lie to them that I tried to attack him. I think its time to leave, but I know I have to do it carefully and strategically to make sure that I’m not hurt and that it can be civil in nature.

What do you think I should do? Should I start preparing to go, saving money and storing things elsewhere until it is time to make my exit? I can’t even talk on the phone when he’s at home because he listens to all my phone calls and even checks my emails. (I caught him once, and he said he would never do it again, but I don’t believe him.)

Any good advice would be appreciated. This is unchartered territory… a beacon of light would be nice.

By: overit

overit — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 01:04:53 +0000

My boyfriend of 10 years insists on seeing his ex every Sunday for about an hour for lunch. This lady is rude to me, and constantly throws the fact that she took his last name, in my face. Because of a horrible marriage and divorce, my boyfriend says he will never get married again. To add insult to injury, he continually befriends odd women and conveniently forgets to tell them that he has a girlfriend. These women assume they can build a relationship with him. He says he is not interested in any of them that way, only me. I have left him numerous times because I just could not put it up with it anymore. Now I am pregnant, and he is still doing the same stuff, disrespecting my concerns and my issues with these women. What should i do? How do I get him to see how much he is hurting me by continuing these relationships/behaviors? He says he loves me and that I am the love of his life. Boy, he sure doesn’t show it.
Thoughts and suggestions are welcome

By: Lazar

Lazar — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 20:34:59 +0000

Me and my girlfriend been together 9 months now. Prior to that we were friends since high school. I’m 24, she is 21. We Constantly have the same argument. HER position is that its ok to “hang out” with friends of the opposite sex when im not present around her (she dorms out in her college, so i see her only Friday, SAT, SUN.)Her other claim is that its ok to even go out sometime, somewhere with other people when im not there. ESPECIALLY SHE THINKS ITS OK TO HANG OUT WITH A BUNCH OF GUYS BECAUSE THEY ARE JUST FRIENDS. i dont know WHY its so hard for her to understand that its NOT a trust issue with me…i trust her…I my morals and standards are such that i just think its plain WRONG to go out without ur partner. i’ve already gotten better at handling the situation of her having guy friends.
And moreover, she KNOWS i TRUST her…and she knows that i just dont like her hanging out with guys even if there just friends, she knows i think its wrong…and she still does it. i’m not trying to lock her up …i just want some understanding and respect. NO…i don’t expect her to drop all her school friends and excommunicate everyone…but at least make an effort to tell these guys… “Listen…we can hang once in a while, just not as often…my boyfriend doesn’t like it too much.” it not too much to ask for. and at least tell them to limit their phone calls and invitation to places to her. WHY IS THAT SO DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND?
I LOVE HER SO MUCH….
ARE THERE ANY FEMALES(OR RELATIONSHIP PROFESSIONALS) WITH ADVICE FOR ME… OR HER FOR THAT MATTER…?
I NEED HELP!!!

By: carolina

carolina — Sun, 26 Oct 2008 17:54:57 +0000

I BEEN WITH MY BOYFRIEND FOR 1YEAR AND 4MONTHS AND HES BEHAVIOR ITS HORRIBLE I CANT EVEN GO OUT WITH MY MOTHER OR HES SISTERS CAUSE HES ALWAYS THINKING BAD ASSUMING THINGS,HE DOESNT TREAT ME THE WAY I SHOULD BE TREATED HE DISRESPECTS ME HES ALWAYS CALLING ME BY NAMES,HE NEVER HAS TIME FOR ME AND ITS HARD FOR ME TO LEAVE HIM CAUSE I RELLY LIKE HIM WHAT CAN I DO?