Comments on: How to Get Your Partner to Change His or Her Behavior http://www.lovecoachblog.com/changepartner/ Love Coach Gives Advice and Help for Singles, Dating, Relationships, Marriage and Breaking Up Thu, 07 Aug 2008 23:53:58 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.3.3 By: Love Coach Rinatta http://www.lovecoachblog.com/changepartner/#comment-2247 Love Coach Rinatta Tue, 24 Jun 2008 21:59:11 +0000 http://www.lovecoachblog.com/changepartner/#comment-2247 Dear Lolita You do not change him, you change yourself. You decide what you will no longer answer, and you calmly inform him that this will be the case from now on. And you stay calm when he asks you the question or makes comments, but you remind him that you were no longer going to answer these questions and entertain these comments and you change the subject. If you can stay calm and use a bit of loving humor in changing the subject, after a while he might stop asking. If you can't stay calm about this and his behavior really bothers you, I can help you get calm and stay calm, as this is one of the things I teach clients who come into my coaching practice - how and why to stay calm around explosive issues. To learn more about a coaching session go here: http://www.whatittakes.com/Coaching/problemsolver.html Dear Lolita
You do not change him, you change yourself. You decide what you will no longer answer, and you calmly inform him that this will be the case from now on. And you stay calm when he asks you the question or makes comments, but you remind him that you were no longer going to answer these questions and entertain these comments and you change the subject. If you can stay calm and use a bit of loving humor in changing the subject, after a while he might stop asking. If you can’t stay calm about this and his behavior really bothers you, I can help you get calm and stay calm, as this is one of the things I teach clients who come into my coaching practice - how and why to stay calm around explosive issues. To learn more about a coaching session go here: http://www.whatittakes.com/Coaching/problemsolver.html

]]> By: lolita http://www.lovecoachblog.com/changepartner/#comment-2246 lolita Mon, 23 Jun 2008 17:30:28 +0000 http://www.lovecoachblog.com/changepartner/#comment-2246 HIE well i have a very good relationship with my boyfriend i have been seeing him since 8 months now i really love him n believe that hes my soul mate but i have had a long relationship in my past and that is something tht keeps bothering us i mean when we started going around he really helped me to forget my past and all but today hes the one who keeps fightinf over it asking me questions telling me to think tht where was i this time and that time and trying to dig more into the past then later all hell do is say a sorry ,.......also i have to always keep giving him an assurance tht i love him n i will always b with him...he keeps askin will you leave ur career for me when he knows its imp for me and then apologises but now i m really fed up of all these questions and arguments i really love him n dont want to loose him at any cost plzzz help me how do i change him im trying everyhting possible plzzz.... HIE well i have a very good relationship with my boyfriend i have been seeing him since 8 months now i really love him n believe that hes my soul mate but i have had a long relationship in my past and that is something tht keeps bothering us i mean when we started going around he really helped me to forget my past and all but today hes the one who keeps fightinf over it asking me questions telling me to think tht where was i this time and that time and trying to dig more into the past then later all hell do is say a sorry ,…….also i have to always keep giving him an assurance tht i love him n i will always b with him…he keeps askin will you leave ur career for me when he knows its imp for me and then apologises but now i m really fed up of all these questions and arguments i really love him n dont want to loose him at any cost plzzz help me how do i change him im trying everyhting possible plzzz….

]]> By: Clint http://www.lovecoachblog.com/changepartner/#comment-848 Clint Mon, 11 Sep 2006 14:56:59 +0000 http://www.lovecoachblog.com/changepartner/#comment-848 My wife makes me keep my head down because she thinks I look at other girls and I honestly don't. I love this woman more than anything but it hurts me that she thinks that. She also thinks that im cheating on her always she's always thinking that. I need some good advice. I have asked her to change plenty of times and she will for about a week or two then she is back to her self. Please help me! My wife makes me keep my head down because she thinks I look at other girls and I honestly don’t. I love this woman more than anything but it hurts me that she thinks that. She also thinks that im cheating on her always she’s always thinking that. I need some good advice. I have asked her to change plenty of times and she will for about a week or two then she is back to her self. Please help me!

]]> By: Sara http://www.lovecoachblog.com/changepartner/#comment-847 Sara Fri, 30 Dec 2005 17:49:01 +0000 http://www.lovecoachblog.com/changepartner/#comment-847 Coach Rinatta Paries- I am dating this guy for about 1 1/2 yrs we both are divorced (me for 5 yrs and him for 3 yrs). I have 2 daughters, he had no children...he and my children get along great. No problems there. But my problem lies in us. I feel like I give so much of myself to him doing for him and he doesn't. He is an only child and comes from a family that doesn't really show there emotions. He told me when we first started dating that he wanted to learn to show his feeling more. And I will say he has opened up some but dang. I feel that he is selfish and inconsiderate. He wants to do what he wants when he wants and take no one else into consideration. My children are gone to visit their dad for the week. He never wants to see them and he decided he wanted to have them for this week. So my boyfriend had me all to himself. We can do whatever we want together. But he decided that he wanted to work on a race car that he is building (which he can work on at anytime) instead of spending time with me. We don't live together... we live 30 minutes apart. But he said that he wanted me to stay with him since they were gone... no need to drive all that way. So I said ok. The first night there he stayed out working on the car till 9:30pm. I went to work the next day when I came back to his house he was out there working in the car again and did not come in till about 9pm... (He works from home so he practically never leaves). So the next morning I packed all my stuff to go back to my house after work because heck I can sit at my home by myself or do housework at my house instead of sitting in his house alone. He called me at work when he saw that I had packed my stuff. He wanted to know if I was coming back why I packed up. I told him that I was going home that I had housework that needed to be done since the girls are gone. He got pissy and said fine. He wanted to know if I was coming back the next night I asked him if that was what he wanted and he said yes. So I said ok I will be there after work. Well the next day he called me at work and said that his friend was coming over to help work on his car but he still wanted me to come over. I was livid when we hung up the phone... So I called some of my girls friends and asked if they wanted to go to the movies and out to eat. They all said sure. So later he called me and wanted to know what I was going to bring home for supper. I told him that he was going to have to get his own supper I would be home late because some of us girls were going out to eat and to the movies... He huffed and said so you don't want to spend time with me... I told him that I would love to spend time with him... but I was not going to sit on his couch all night while he and his friend worked on his car that could not be raced till the end of 2006. I told him that I was going out and would be home when I got home... I am just tired of him wanting me to form to what he wants when he wants. Don't get me wrong... I love doing things for him and making sure he feels special. But is it to much to ask for a little something back. I am not that hard to please and I don't require 24/7 attention... just a little something. I thought that he would be excited to have me all to himself and be able to spend time with me with out having to be interrupted by the girls or having to entertain them... we can be like people without kids and be together. Do you think that I am asking too much? I have tried to talk to him about this as well as me feeling he can take or leave me... Talk and not yell. I have been very calm every time I have addressed this... all he says is… I will try to do better. I am just about tired of waiting for him to try. We have talked about marriage and we are going to start building a house in the spring. But I am not sure that I want to marry someone who doesn't seem to care whether I am there or not. He makes me feel like he can handle having me around and he can handle being with out me it doesn't matter to him. However I know he loves me... but I am not sure if he is "IN" love with me. I am not worried about him cheating... or anything like that... he is a great guy. Dang... I can be & feel alone... all by myself... and I can feel like crap all by myself too... What do you suggest I do...? I think I am at the point of throwing my hands in the air. Desperate Girlfriend Coach Rinatta Paries-

I am dating this guy for about 1 1/2 yrs we both are divorced (me for 5 yrs and him for 3 yrs). I have 2 daughters, he had no children…he and my children get along great. No problems there. But my problem lies in us. I feel like I give so much of myself to him doing for him and he doesn’t. He is an only child and comes from a family that doesn’t really show there emotions. He told me when we first started dating that he wanted to learn to show his feeling more. And I will say he has opened up some but dang. I feel that he is selfish and inconsiderate. He wants to do what he wants when he wants and take no one else into consideration.

My children are gone to visit their dad for the week. He never wants to see them and he decided he wanted to have them for this week. So my boyfriend had me all to himself. We can do whatever we want together. But he decided that he wanted to work on a race car that he is building (which he can work on at anytime) instead of spending time with me. We don’t live together… we live 30 minutes apart. But he said that he wanted me to stay with him since they were gone… no need to drive all that way. So I said ok. The first night there he stayed out working on the car till 9:30pm. I went to work the next day when I came back to his house he was out there working in the car again and did not come in till about 9pm… (He works from home so he practically never leaves). So the next morning I packed all my stuff to go back to my house after work because heck I can sit at my home by myself or do housework at my house instead of sitting in his house alone. He called me at work when he saw that I had packed my stuff. He wanted to know if I was coming back why I packed up. I told him that I was going home that I had housework that needed to be done since the girls are gone. He got pissy and said fine. He wanted to know if I was coming back the next night I asked him if that was what he wanted and he said yes. So I said ok I will be there after work. Well the next day he called me at work and said that his friend was coming over to help work on his car but he still wanted me to come over. I was livid when we hung up the phone… So I called some of my girls friends and asked if they wanted to go to the movies and out to eat. They all said sure. So later he called me and wanted to know what I was going to bring home for supper. I told him that he was going to have to get his own supper I would be home late because some of us girls were going out to eat and to the movies… He huffed and said so you don’t want to spend time with me… I told him that I would love to spend time with him… but I was not going to sit on his couch all night while he and his friend worked on his car that could not be raced till the end of 2006. I told him that I was going out and would be home when I got home…

I am just tired of him wanting me to form to what he wants when he wants. Don’t get me wrong… I love doing things for him and making sure he feels special. But is it to much to ask for a little something back. I am not that hard to please and I don’t require 24/7 attention… just a little something. I thought that he would be excited to have me all to himself and be able to spend time with me with out having to be interrupted by the girls or having to entertain them… we can be like people without kids and be together.

Do you think that I am asking too much? I have tried to talk to him about this as well as me feeling he can take or leave me… Talk and not yell. I have been very calm every time I have addressed this… all he says is… I will try to do better. I am just about tired of waiting for him to try.

We have talked about marriage and we are going to start building a house in the spring. But I am not sure that I want to marry someone who doesn’t seem to care whether I am there or not. He makes me feel like he can handle having me around and he can handle being with out me it doesn’t matter to him. However I know he loves me… but I am not sure if he is “IN” love with me. I am not worried about him cheating… or anything like that… he is a great guy. Dang… I can be & feel alone… all by myself… and I can feel like crap all by myself too… What do you suggest I do…? I think I am at the point of throwing my hands in the air.

Desperate Girlfriend

]]> By: Love Coach Rinatta Paries http://www.lovecoachblog.com/changepartner/#comment-846 Love Coach Rinatta Paries Sun, 11 Dec 2005 17:23:12 +0000 http://www.lovecoachblog.com/changepartner/#comment-846 Rosette you just never know how people will react to things and although I am sure his reaction makes perfect sense to your friend, it is inexplicable to you (and to me). But, you have to respect that he wants to be out of contact. Give it time - a month maybe - and then reach out with a card. But I would not send flowers - seems to grand of a gesture and may get him to have more bad reactions. Coach Rinatta Paries Rosette
you just never know how people will react to things and although I am sure his reaction makes perfect sense to your friend, it is inexplicable to you (and to me). But, you have to respect that he wants to be out of contact. Give it time - a month maybe - and then reach out with a card. But I would not send flowers - seems to grand of a gesture and may get him to have more bad reactions.

Coach Rinatta Paries

]]> By: rosette http://www.lovecoachblog.com/changepartner/#comment-845 rosette Sun, 11 Dec 2005 17:02:47 +0000 http://www.lovecoachblog.com/changepartner/#comment-845 I have a question to throw, and I believe you can help.....I have a friend and was inviting him to camo over at my place for dinner...and he said it was a short notice and he'll be out of town....There was a miscommunication that he told me "I'm unbelievable" I was asking him what made him say that..and he said it's only his thing....I can't send him emails because he blocked it...I'm planning to give a peace offering like a gift or flowers..is this appropriate? please reply....I don't want our friendship to end this way.... I have a question to throw, and I believe you can help…..I have a friend and was inviting him to camo over at my place for dinner…and he said it was a short notice and he’ll be out of town….There was a miscommunication that he told me “I’m unbelievable” I was asking him what made him say that..and he said it’s only his thing….I can’t send him emails because he blocked it…I’m planning to give a peace offering like a gift or flowers..is this appropriate? please reply….I don’t want our friendship to end this way….

]]> By: Eddie http://www.lovecoachblog.com/changepartner/#comment-844 Eddie Tue, 15 Nov 2005 11:46:53 +0000 http://www.lovecoachblog.com/changepartner/#comment-844 Me and my wife to be work together and one day I happen to work in her area wile she was off that day her coworkers could not understand how I deal with all the men that call on her it is hard because I use to be one of them myself in my heart I really do trust, her being it is the male in me that sometime make it very hard to understand .Why I was maybe the one and only but maybe I need to just wait and see... Me and my wife to be work together and one day I happen to work in her area wile she was off that day her coworkers could not understand how I deal with all the men that call on her it is hard because I use to be one of them myself in my heart I really do trust, her being it is the male in me that sometime make it very hard to understand .Why I was maybe the one and only but maybe I need to just wait and see…

]]> By: Cher http://www.lovecoachblog.com/changepartner/#comment-843 Cher Mon, 14 Nov 2005 16:15:24 +0000 http://www.lovecoachblog.com/changepartner/#comment-843 This is great timing! I am experiencing these issues right now in my life and have moved out from my boyfriend's house. Nothing was changing and something had to give! We are still wanting to be together and just needed some sort of guidance. Since we both have busy schedules, this will be a nice, convenient guide to help us! Thank you! This is great timing! I am experiencing these issues right now in my life and have moved out from my boyfriend’s house. Nothing was changing and something had to give! We are still wanting to be together and just needed some sort of guidance. Since we both have busy schedules, this will be a nice, convenient guide to help us! Thank you!

]]> By: Gary http://www.lovecoachblog.com/changepartner/#comment-842 Gary Mon, 14 Nov 2005 15:50:09 +0000 http://www.lovecoachblog.com/changepartner/#comment-842 People give up when their spouse don't want to change.People have to make a decision to change. It takes effective communication and trust to make a relations work. This is a great article and well worth the information on changing your partner's behavior. Thanks People give up when their spouse don’t want to change.People have to make a decision to change. It takes effective communication and trust to make a relations work.

This is a great article and well worth the information on changing your partner’s behavior.

Thanks

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