Who knew that an important key to attracting a good mate or knowing what to do in early dating is staying calm? Well, maybe some people did, but it sure is not widely known.
Let me tell you what I mean, so that you can go make your dating situation better right now.
Do you tend to react to dating events in your life with a large upswing of emotions? Do you tend to get visibly upset, maybe even raise your voice, create fights, or have a hard time concentrating? Or do you get paralyzed into inaction and start to feel dull and shut down?
In other words, if you go out on a date, and the guy/gal does not turn out to be the one, do you experience a strong wave of frustration, anger, sadness – or numbness? Do you start to wonder if you are ever going to meet the one, or perhaps you are meant to be alone? Do you feel despondent?
If so, calm down already! What does that upswing of negative emotion get you, except upset and unhappy and afraid? It sure does not prepare you to get back out there, date more, and improve yourself, your profile, maybe even your looks. It sure does not get you more involved in the world. Strong wave of negative emotions makes you feel bad. And feeling bad makes it hard to take action.
So calm down. Sooth yourself. Talk yourself down. Have a cup of tea, maybe some chocolate – both have chemicals to help you get calm. Remind yourself it’s just one experience in a series of many. Your right partner is out there and there are many, many things you can do to improve your chance of meeting him or her faster.
Or let’s say you are in early stages of dating someone and something goes wrong. Perhaps you allowed the relationship to go too far too fast, or you have found out things about the other person you just can’t live with. You are upset. You don’t know what to do. And this may feel like your last chance at love.
Calm down already! You can’t think or problem solve when you are upset. No clear solution will occur to you and no clear path will be visible, until you are calm. And if you take action without being calm, the choices you make will probably backfire later. Perhaps in a small way, but maybe in big way.
So calm down. Sooth yourself. Talk yourself down. And take the time to think about what’s happening in your dating relationship. Was it indeed irrevocably damaged by too much too soon? Sometimes that’s true and if so, you will do best to pick yourself up and go back to dating other people. Or is there something you can do to pull back and restore balance? Often just spending a bit of time apart, giving each other space to breathe can restore the normal flow of an early relationship.
And what about that trait you see in your new partner that is a red flag for you? You are very likely right about it, but then again, maybe your judgment is being clouded by past relationships. Watch that trait, calmly, not taking what ever your new partner does or does not do, personally. Give it a little time, without trying to change him or her. If you stay calm, you will know what to do.
The key is to stay calm in order to allow yourself to think clearly and make good choices.
Upset-based choices are almost always designed to try to sooth you or make you feel better in the moment, rather than leading to your long term goals. But you don’t need to do anything with the upsetting situation to sooth yourself and calm down. Instead, just calm down already! Sooth yourself no matter what’s going on, then deal with the situation, using a clear head.
You can do it! And if you need help, come work with me as your relationship coach and I will teach you how to stay calm no matter what’s going on. You will be amazed at how good it feels and how effective it is to be able to stay calm and think clearly.
{ 9 comments… read them below or add one }
I need to calm down when it comes to dating. My last serious relationship ended a couple of years ago. I have had a few dates, but the chemistry was not right and I just went out to go out. I am now at place where I want to go on dates, but I am nervous about putting myself out there. I guess the idea of being a little vulnerable (meeting someone new) is why I need to calm down when I go on my next date. Wish me luck!!!!!
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A lot of times I think the reason behind a successful date night is due to staying calm down on both sides. It might not go well in the beginning minutes or hour, but as time goes by the patience will pay off. That’s my 2 cents.
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Yes,getting too excited is utterly useless.
Seth – your comment killed me “both calmly resenting each other..” hahaha.
Carolin – thanks for stopping by, and yes, I know it’s hard not to freak out. Still, calm is very under rated.
Single Mom Seeking – Rachel, thanks so much for stopping by and for your comment. I love your blog.
Wow, did you write that with me in mind? Thank you! You’re amazing.
I really came here to thank you for your brilliant comment on my blog… when I update about that date/event/man/my feelings, I will link back to your blog. (Let’s just say: You’re right. But you knew that already?)
Thank you. Your wisdom is much appreciated.
Hello!
It is interested very much.
Good advice! When you think your life depends on this date or that person, you tend to freak out and ruin everything. It’s difficult for a worried person to just make the choice to “stay calm” but with practice inbetween dates it works well.
You can cut to the chase by only dating people who drink tea and enjoy chocolate! That way, at least you’d both be calmly resenting each other while enjoying something you like: tea!
Really though, you make a great point. Sometimes the hardest things to do are the simplest, most effective ones like staying calm!
Seth