Love Coach Blog

If you are just tuning in, welcome to Love Coaching Social Experiment: watch me coach Jodi, a single, bright, beautiful, late-thirty-something lady, to help her attract the man of her dreams – reality-TV style, right in front of your eyes and ears.

Read full introduction to this social experiment, follow the links from there to the previous coaching sessions and then back to this post.

Today Jodi revealed a secret she has been hiding – she had an affair that damaged and ultimately broke up her marriage.

Is this the thing she is hiding from potential partners, the reason she hides out by dating unavailable men? I don’t know. Most people who have had affairs feel bad about them, but not badly enough to avoid closeness. Of course, the thing Jodi is hiding does not have to be some terrible secret – it could be just a thought, or a way she feels about herself. Whatever it is, be sure that I will help her find it and be free of it, so that she can allow love.

Here is some of what Jodi said in her latest post:

“…Mark and I planed on going out together. We made some elaborate plan to meet up and see what happens. Back at home, Pam was really edgy. I don’t think Mark’s plan was very elaborate. Pam’s edginess was making my ex edgy and I was edgy in my own deception. I think Mark was used to this kind of thing so he was nonchalant.

Mark and I ended up

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Valentine’s day is just around the corner, so today, dear reader, I am giving you tips for an extraordinarily romantic Valentine’s Day. But wait, what if you are single or in a relationship that is not working well right now?

You will find romantic Valentine’s Day tips below for singles, people in relationship going well and for people in struggling relationship. Regardless your relationship status, you can still have a wonderful, fun, love-filled Valentine’s Day.
          
I invite you to think of Valentine’s Day as "Focus on Love Day," as opposed to "Hurt About Lack of Love Day" or "Ignore Being Single Day."
 
A note for people who are in a new relationships, people who are dating someone but are not in a committed relationship or people in a struggling relationship:

At the beginning of a relationship or when the relationship is not going well, it is best not to have too many expectations about how Valentine’s Day will be celebrated. It is also best not to get disappointed if it is not celebrated in just the way you would want. In time, as you and your partner get closer, both of you will be able to celebrate Valentine’s Day and other holidays in more meaningful ways. This Valentine’s Day, create a perfect "Focus on Love Day" for yourself, regardless of what your partner may or may not have planned for you. Look at the suggestions for singles below. Then, do something small, but meaningful for your partner. Look for suggestions for couples below, but tone the activity down.

And now, 10 ways to make your "Focus on Love Day" extraordinarily romantic:

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Coaching Session #5 of Love Coaching Social Experiment - watch me coach Jodi, a single, bright, beautiful, late-thirty-something lady, to help her attract the man of her dreams – reality TV-style, right in front of your eyes and ears.

Read the full introduction to this social experiment, follow the links to the previous coaching sessions and then come back to this post.

This week Jodi didn’t ask her usual questions. Instead, she and I have been going back and forth by email, working on some issues she has not felt comfortable disclosing on the blogs. I think these issues directly relate to why Jodi keeps herself closed off from others.

She has promised me that she will be blogging about some of these issues shortly, because both of us have noticed that working like this, in the public eye, helps her push herself to grow and get through this stuff.

Jodi is avoiding dipping into the quagmire of her emotions – and she is not the only one. Most people avoid looking deeply into themselves. We are afraid of what we will find inside. Jodi is not doing this on purpose, or to be difficult. This is how most of us are socialized.

When we experience strong feelings the people around us tend to discourage us from feeling our feelings. Instead, we are told that we either don’t feel the way we feel or that we have no reason to feel the way we feel. Instead of dipping into ourselves and gaining strength from self-knowledge, we are encouraged to shut down and seek things outside of ourselves to make us feel better.

I asked Jodi to look at what she is afraid people will find out about her if they get close to her.

Here is what Jodi said in reply:

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