Love Coach Blog

Coaching Session #7 of Love Coaching Social Experiment: watch me coach Jodi, a single, bright, beautiful, late-thirty-something lady, to help her attract the man of her dreams – reality-TV style, right in front of your eyes and ears.

Read the full introduction to this social experiment, follow the links from there to previous coaching sessions and then back to this post.

Jodi finally came out this week with all of her dirty laundry. She shared about her two infidelities, her live-in lover peeping on her teenaged daughter, and then her continuing to see him after the fact. You can read Jodi’s series of disclosure posts starting here, and then come back here to read my coaching to her.

I have to admit none of this story is a surprise to me, as Jodi revealed this information to me weeks ago. I didn’t push her into full public disclosure, but she and I talked about it and she decided to go forward with it, mostly to keep the integrity of the conversation between us intact. She and I also agreed that somehow her doing this work in the public eye is making her work harder, deeper, than she would in the privacy of a one on one coaching relationship. So she went ahead and disclosed the whole load of her baggage.

After reading her posts you may sit back and wonder why a woman would date a guy after he peeped at her daughter.
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I am a Love Coach and not a family coach. I don’t typically deal with family issues, except for relationships between husbands and wives.

But I am a mom and, as a mom, I can’t help but notice when my clients are feeling disconnected from their children. And I can’t help but notice that those same clients also tend to feel disconnected in general.

Coincidence? I don’t think so. I don’t have the research to prove this, but I suspect that people who are disconnected from their children have trouble connecting with others, both adults and children. I suspect their hearts are closed. That does not make them bad people. In fact, people whose hearts are closed are closed up because of past hurts, not because they are heartless.

But having a closed-up heart does make people and their children feel as if something is missing. The dream of what having a child is supposed to be like – the feelings of connection and joy – is missing for the most part for these parents and their kids.
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Love Coaching Social Experiment - watch me coach Jodi, a single, bright, beautiful, late-thirty-something lady to help her attract the man of her dreams – reality tv style, right in front of your eyes and ears. Today I coach Jodi on her addiction to being wanted.

Read full introduction to this social experiment, follow the links from there to previous coaching sessions and then back to this post.

Jodi, as I was reading your last post, I had a few immediate thoughts.

First, how brave you are for willing to reveal the truth about your journey.

Second, I noticed something interesting. In both affairs you were going along, minding your business, but as soon the man showed interest in you, you were pulled in like a magnet against your own will.

I wonder if that is one reason you keep hiding in the closet – because you can’t trust yourself. You can’t predict what you will do next, so you keep yourself and the people you interact with safe from you by only connecting with people who won’t like you that much.

Now why would this happen and what’s this really about?

Here is a theory. Your father didn’t want you, so you will give everything and anything to be wanted. Even though you feel your behavior is unpredictable, in reality I can tell you exactly when you lose your mind: the minute a man wants you, you are lost.

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Coaching Session #6 of Love Coaching Social Experiment: watch me coach Jodi, a single, bright, beautiful, late-thirty-something lady, to help her attract the man of her dreams – reality-TV style, right in front of your eyes and ears.

Read the full introduction to this social experiment , follow the links from there to previous coaching sessions and then back to this post.

A lot has happened for Jodi in the process of being coached by me.

First, she realized that the reason she has been attracting and dating unavailable men is that she herself has been unavailable. We then went on a hunt for why that may be. Jodi revealed that she feels like a criminal for having had an affair and breaking up her marriage. She also revealed that she feels no compassion, and no desire to connect deeply with people. Yet, at the same time, she wants a deep, loving, connected intimate relationship.

Quite a pickle, as you can see, for Jodi, as she can’t be safely disconnected, hiding herself, and yet have a deep, connected relationship with a man.

This is what Jodi said in her latest post:

“I appreciate you treating me with respect and dignity (about the affair) but I do think I killed something…trust. I butchered it without even thinking twice about doing it…I don’t think I was held accountable for my impulsive behavior because my family was in shock and disbelief. They had no warning that I would stoop to that level.

Trust me: I apologized up and down to my husband, to my in-laws, to my kids and to “Pam”. I really meant it and felt closure in doing so. I didn’t see what I was doing when I was in it but I felt remorse when I chose to act on blind attraction versus clueing anyone in to my feelings of longing and despair in my life.

…My recollections of the events that took place 10 years ago

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