Love Coach Blog

Coaching Session #2 of Love Coaching Social Experiment - watch me coach Jodi, a single, bright, beautiful, late-thirty-something lady to help her attract the man of her dreams – reality tv style, right in front of your eyes and ears.

Read the full introduction to this social experiment, follow the links from there to the first coaching session and then back to this post.

 
Jodi says in reply to my coaching to her:

I know that I am getting something out of this - dating unavailable men - otherwise I would not let it continue to happen.

My fear of abandonment has to have something to do with this since my dad abandoned me as a young girl. At that time, I had no idea that parents did that sort of thing. I felt safe with my parents, as any little girl should, and when my safety blanket was torn from me, I felt lost and alone.

Dating these guys must seem familiar, like I can predict what is going to happen since it has happened before with my dad – abandonment. I accept that these guys are in my life for a short period of time. I think that they may be attracted to my sense of being compassionate with their situation, but all the while I am thinking, here we go again and swear I am looking at them cockeyed as if to say “Why are you telling me all this?” It doesn’t stop them from dumping.

If I can predict the outcome of these men who are dating me on their “journey” to find themselves, I think I get a safe feeling in the fact that I know what is going to happen. Maybe I am getting some sort of pleasure out of the predictability of the unpredictable guy?

I also want to hold on really tight to these predictable guys by trying to be the perfect girlfriend. I hold myself off from calling or making plans for the weekend but making myself available because I need the comfort of being important to someone. I feel needed and that fulfills a need in me. I have a little girl fantasy that I could be the one to show them the way if they don’t leave but fear that I would fix them only for them to move on to someone else, fixed.

There is a lot of conflict in my head as I flip flop. On one hand, I want to give up dating since this is what I attract and on the other, I know there has got to be a path to change.

Love Coach Rinatta Paries says:

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This is probably how you think life works: life, people,  other singles interact with you. Their actions affect you. You have feelings about what is happening to you. You learn from your experiences and make mental notes about what you observe. When you experience a negative situation, you make a mental note to avoid that situation.

Your world becomes a bit tighter as you learn to avoid more and more negative situations. Perhaps you no longer date particular kinds of people because you had bad experiences with that type and you are afraid they will be repeated. Or perhaps you no longer trust certain behavior from others because it turned out to mean trouble for you in the past and you fear experiencing that pain again.

You move forward in spite of your fears, still hoping that you will meet the love of your life, or at least someone good to date. What you don’t know is that when you hope in spite of fear, you are often more afraid than you realize. It is that fear, masked by your hope, that will hold you back from attracting the healthy, wonderful partner you are seeking.

In reality, this is how life works: You believe
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Happy New Year to you and I hope your year is off to a wonderful start. I know I am a bit late with this post and the greeting, yet the New Year is only 15 days old, so I hope you will forgive me.

On New Year’s Eve I was watching the Dick Clark special.

Never mind that not seeing Dick Clark till the end was sad, or that, when I did see him, his gaunt face broke my heart. There he was, the never-aging icon, suddenly aged by a stroke. Sure made me feel mortal. But I digress.

Ryan Seacrest was interviewing people on their New Year’s resolutions. I don’t know if the show was edited for this or if all the people Ryan picked

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Coaching session #1 of Love Coaching Social Experiment - watch me coach Jodi, a single, bright, beautiful, late-thirty-something lady to help her attract the man of her dreams – reality tv style, right in front of your eyes and ears. Read full introduction to this social experiment.

Jodi says:

Let’s get going. Lead me to becoming attractive to the right crowd, picture or no picture!

Love Coach Rinatta Paries says:

Jodi, attraction is a funny thing. You would think it’s all about how you look, how you sound in your ad, if you are doing online dating, how you carry yourself when you walk into a room, if you are doing live dating. You know - attractive enough to have someone respond. But attraction goes much deeper than that.

Have you ever seen people who attract what they want to them? They want something – money, a job, a parking space, a relationship – and it just comes to them. This happens all the time to certain people, while other people seem to have to work very hard to get the same things for themselves.

The truth is we are always attracting something to us in this sense - pulling something to us. In your case, you are attracting people to date, but they are just not the kind of people you want. Now pragmatically you could say that that’s the only kind of people that are out there.

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