Love Coach Blog

It is frustrating and depressing to see the person you love ignore what you need and want from him or her. It’s frustrating to have to ask repeatedly for what you want and not get it. It’s even worse if you are the kind of a person who doesn’t ask for what you want, but only wish you were treated better and wonder why you are not.

It’s maddening to show your relationship partner all of the logical reasons he or she should change, construct a completely convincing argument, provide all the necessary support – and still see no change in his or her behavior.

It’s sad to feel like you will have to sacrifice the relationship with a person you like, or even love, in order to be happy.

You know you can’t make another person change his or her behavior. But you know there must be something you can do that you have not yet tried to make him or her change, so that the relationship can work and both of you can be happy.

And you are right.
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Most people had relationships in their past that didn’t work. Most people have at least one such relationship that is very hard to let go of. This is the one that got away, but shouldn’t have. This is the one that felt as if it was meant to be. This is the one that felt like true love yet just would not work. How do you let go of a relationship like this?

When your partner in that relationship was at his or her best, he or she met all of your needs. He or she was the perfect fit for you. If he or she could have been that way with you 100% of the time, rather than just sometimes, you would be in the relationship still. The times he or she was everything you needed are hard to let go of. You have been looking for that kind of love all of your life.

Here was a person who could meet your needs the way you have always wanted. You knew he or she could, because sometimes he or she did. But he or she wouldn’t. You wanted to make, force, remind or talk him or her into it. You did everything possible to make him or her be the way you wanted 100% of the time. You may have asked him or her to go to therapy. You used all of the tricks in the book you could come up with to evoke the behavior you wanted.

Finally you left the relationship. You knew you deserved better than just some fraction of what you wanted. But the attachment to your ex lingers.
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